Friday, August 7, 2009

Dolls man.

Cultural Knittings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan! It's wow! You know, that Borat doll actually bears a great resemblance to Tom Sellek...but thankfully, I don't ever recall Magnum PI donning the slingshot mankini. The chest hair however...that's pretty accurate.

In contrast to Borat's beefiness, we've got the adorably cracked out Winehouse...complete with gravity defying beehive and sailor tats!Psh, who needs rehab when you've got your own plushie? Amy you just keep sayin' no, no, no.

" En knitia dollforminus!" hehehe...pardon me while I "cast" a spell. Even a muggle can see how cute this is! It's practically enchanting! The boy wizard translates well into plushiness. It could even lead to a new series! "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Sewing Kit" or "Harry Potter and the Knitters of Azkaban." I'm sure they'd sell just as well as the originals...see? "Well, I had one that I was knitting the other night," said Ron, screwing up his face in an effort to remember. "What do you think that means?""Probably that you're going to be eaten by a giant Christmas Sweater or something," said Harry, turning the pages of The Dream Weaver without interest."

*All images from mail online
Borat, Harry Potter, LOTR, they're all so cute! I sure love dol...They sure are...oh. OH. that's Hitler huh? Well...that sure is...cozy? Boy, that'd be an awkward moment at the craft convention. "Oh, nice doilies Martha. Beautifully tea cozy Wilma! Eva...well...that certainly is...unexpected. Yes, I'm not saying it's not nicely crafted. Put your arm down, stop shouting that! What did you say your last name was again?"
At least there's a craftily knitted Churchill to make sure the Nazi menace doesn't succeed!

*Be sure to check out the link above for the full story and to see more of these little gems.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Just because you can...

...doesn't mean you should.

Soooo...I'm gonna bet this guy's single, who's gonna put some money on that one? Anybody? Anybody? Also, one pair just wasn't enough huh?

image from what not to crochet
...and what do you get for the man that has everything...including a couple of smokin' hot pairs of crochet hotpants? Crochet underpants of course. Look...sometimes you just have to tell grandma to put the yarn down, game over g. game over.

*EDIT!* More, More, More!!!

Monday, March 9, 2009

Totally Naked Hands and More!

There is some weeeeird stuff out there y'all.

from asparagus

TOTALLY!!! ...wut?

from asparagus

I never really knew there was a voyeuristic side to knitting.

From Weekendmovies

OK, this kid...WOW! He's got a good take on the judges, but what really sticks with you is the last 10 seconds. (It'll be a HUGE hit in Germany!)

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Where's The Beef!?

Images from

It's right here, between the er...fluffy buns. Artist Joy Kampia has crocheted up what might just be every man's fantasy...girls and cheeseburgers together at last! Give that girl a pitcher of beer and she'll have to beat them off with a stick!

Now, last I checked there was a startling trend towards childhood obesity in this country. So, is emblazoning a burger, fries, and big gulp on a sweater really the wisest thing to put on you kid? Well, I guess better on than in, eh? Still, I can hear it echoing from elementary schools across the country: "Lil' Johnny! Get that sweater out of you mouth!"

Image from
Or you know, just cut out the middle man and go for bovine glory on the hoof. The sunflowers add a touch of country elegance don't you think?

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

It's The End of The World As We Know It...

...and I feel...fine?
Image from

Well, I'm pretty convinced we're living in the end times. If the weather doesn't do it for you, (I mean come on, snow on Sunday and 80 by the end of the week? What is that?!?) this should darn well convince you. Famine, Pestilence, War, Death, what better topic for a snugly warm sweater?

If not the horsemen, perhaps ye need a visit from old scratch himself! Betsy Johnson offers you the darkside for a mere $305...or your first born! MWAHAHAHAhaha....too much?

Image from

Ah, Hot Topic, the store where all your trendsetting gothlings go to shop. I mean nothing says love in every stitch like a blood red skull blazing from your abdomen!

Image from

...source of all evil?

Monday, February 9, 2009

Knitting, It's More Than Just Hilarious Sweaters...

So, like I said, there will of course, always be ugly sweaters here, especially around the holidays, but there's so much more in the handicraft world! Today, I think we'll get a lil' avant-garde and explore some more daring designs.

All images by SpattersandJayne

Ok, at first, I totally wasn't sold on this, but then the fact that I've been reading The Hobbit crept in and I thought, "hey, these are kind of middle earthy!" (Shut up! Yes, I'm a nerd, deal with it!) The huge,chunky knit; the ginormous, funky, wooden buttons; and the multi-functionality...from cowl, to hood, to cape, really grew on me! Perhaps I'll get one...they're kind of 'precious'...(hehehe, see what I did there?)

Image from "...little purls of wisdom."(clever!)

Man, talk about perfect for those bad hair days...especially the cold ones! Stylish do and hat all in one! Megan, the designer of this creation, dubbed the "Hallowig," (since it was created for Halloween, but hopefully the name tipped you off...) gives detailed instructions on duplicating this hair raising knitwear.

(Burka 2)(She only wanted boy-children) Now that's a onesie!

Images by Chrystl Rijkeboer

Speaking of hair, why not use a little in the actual knitting itself? Here we see "Twins" by Dutch Artist Chrystl Rijkeboer. She incorporates human hair into her work...which some might consider ugly, but you can't deny it'll stop you in a heartbeat! The subject matter of her work varies from the lighthearted to the politically charged.

Image from knitteroo

Yves Saint Laurent bridal wear circa 1965...

What bride wouldn't feel beautiful and..feminine? Not an ounce of symbolism in sir, not...a...bit. Although, for some reason, the groom said he felt...inadequate.

Image from google.

...of course, if none of those are your speed, there's always this. Even the collar mimics the little pig's tails...and trust me, if there's anything a woman wants to associate herself with, it's a pig. Oink!

(Also, I'm playing a bit with the background right now...since it's not Christmas anymore. Let me know if it sucks and you hate it...and by proxy, me. Thanks!)

Saturday, February 7, 2009

I'm Hooked! Crochet hooked that is!

Princess Seeker

I am part of a t-shirt design community known as Threadless, now, deep in the dark heart of threadless is a place called the blog...and in that blog, are topics that range from politics and religion, to bacon and tacos. Also, people post various works of art, allowing folks to see some truly inspiring talent. I know what you're thinking, "yeah, that's nice, but what does it have to do with sweaters, amazingly ugly sweaters?"

Very little actually, however, it has a lot to do with some of the most creative pieces I've ever seen come out of skein of yarn. I'd like to introduce you to *drum roll please...*


Chelly's work is nothing short of delightful. Her hats, scarves, and various creations are fun, whimsical pieces that exude a joyful spunkiness. Her crochet wearables are not only functional, they're FUNctional! Enough of me blabberin' on, here is just a small sampling of some of Chelly's stellar crocheted pieces ranging from adorable animals to friendly underpants!

Bunny Cap (Chelly assures the teeth do not impair vision!)

Bullcap and tailfront (That is some extraordinary detail work on that cow!)

Speed Racer! ( Imusthavethishat,becausethishatissoawesome!!Ohhhhhhh!)

Phil's XL Underwear Hat (brilliance.)

Nine Lives...(I'm pretty sure I actually squealed like a 9 year old girl when I saw this.)

Shifty Eyed Ninja (hahahaha!!!!!)

No Cable Cap (turn it off, put it on, and get outside!)

FNAscarf2 (bottoms up!)

Please check out Chelly's flickr for more examples of her fabulous work in her "yarns" set. When it seems like everything you see is so mass produced and cookie cutter, it's encouraging to see an artisan producing textiles with the brash individuality that these have. Many of her pieces are commissioned work, so if you like what you see, shoot her a flickr mail. I know I'm in some serious need of a tiger cap/scarf combo...I think I'll be paying a visit to my friendly neighborhood Chelly soon!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Stuff White People Like... sweaters! How do I know this? I've been told so on a site called "Stuff White People Like" Dash it all, it's true! I'm not going to fight it! Am I white? Check. Do I love sweaters? ( Check. Have I attended...and actually organized a Christmas sweater party with sweaters gleaned from my local thrift store? Check and check!


The sweater is an essential part of the white person wardrobe and it is a very good idea to familiarize yourself with all the different types of sweaters that are most popular with white people.

When you approach the subject from the perspective of age, it’s essential that you combine very young and very old white people in the same group. This is because young white people think it is very cool to wear clothes that are popular with senior citizens. The most popular example of this is the cardigan sweater, which is essentially a wool jacket with less buttons. An old white person might combine this sweater with a button down shirt to provide himself or herself with valuable warmth in the winter months, but a young white person will combine it with a t-shirt to create a ‘layered look.’ This not only allows them to show others that their personality features as many layers as their clothes, but it’s a chance to show people that you own not one but two cool items of clothing.

White women will also purchase many small, thin sweaters that they can wear in combination or on top of other clothes. Though you may think it would make more sense to just purchase a thicker sweater, these layers allow them to achieve maximum temperature control (see Scarves for more evidence of this phenomenon).

Moving up in thickness and age, one comes across the ‘ultra thick’ sweater. Though you will find these at Farmer’s Markets and Community Gardens throughout the country, they are most popular in the Pacific Northwest. These are often light brown or almost beige and weigh upwards of 10 pounds. When you a see a white person walk into a bar or coffee shop wearing one of these sweaters, you can tell the weight by how much they are sweating when they take it off.

White people also appreciate the irony of ugly sweaters that usually feature things like reindeer and snowmen. Though it seems unlikely, white people have even been able to turn this into a theme for parties. Typing in “ugly sweater party” into google will return a wealth of images and a dearth of diversity. However, there is one notable exception.

Regardless of the type of sweater, it is also good to be aware of the fact that finding a nice sweater at a thrift shop or goodwill is considered a major event in the life of a white person. Scoring a garment that makes it into the regular rotation for under $10 is a story that white people will tell for up to five years after it happens. Therefore, if you are seeking white friendship it is a good idea to do one of two things: You can either go to dozens of thrift shops in hopes of finding a dream sweater or you can buy a new one, remove the label and make up a story about how you found in a Goodwill in a bad neighborhood that “hadn’t been picked clean by hipsters.”

(Check out the front page for more sweater goodness.) Man, we white folk like a bunch of stuff! All you other white people, have a look and a laugh at yourself. All you folks who aren't white, drop by and laugh along with us, we're pretty ripe for comedy! ;)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

If You Want to Destroy My Sweater...

Weezer has plenty of ways to show you how...
(Don't do drugs kids!)

or maybe you're more interested in destroying friendships!? This is awesome...Mari and Melvin, please contact me and invite me next year. Thanks!

"Check out the back! Welcome Wagon!"

from Great Mother's Day Gift Ideas
"Thoughtful Gifts for Women" ...

Image from photobucket

...speaking of thoughtful gifts for about finishing the job there buddy? ( I guess you can always show the woman you love how much you care...that is if you've got your own natural sweater.) *shudders*

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Leslie Hall...Queen of the Gem Sweaters!

If you've never seen Leslie Hall, she is the "Gem Sweater Lady" and wow...she's got it goin' on! She takes ugly sweaters to the next level. She's become an internet sensation and actually performs all around the country, TV, and youtube videos as "Leslie and the Lys" with her Gem Sweater songs.

Why she even has a museum...won't you donate a sweater today so our children's children can know the joy of a gem sweater or the history of the bedazzler?

Of course, it's not all about sweaters...sometimes, it's just about killing zombies...but if you notice, some of those zombies are wearing pretty awful sweaters...and if the cannibalistic lust for brains wasn't reason enough to shoot them...

Check her out at

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Valentine's Day has it's problems too...

Original image from Urbandebris

Valentines Day...a day for lovers, for sweet sentiments, kisses, hugs, and sexy attire...or you know, hideous knitwear. Whatever works for ya. Sure it's a while away, but there really is a fantastic assortment of goods...some knit with love in every stitch, some made for humor, some possibly influenced by spending a little time with Mary Jane...or one of her friends...

Image from Flickr

Whoa! Kids, keep the "E" away from the knitting supplies OK? The pukiness of the color here coupled with the breastplate nature of the garish orange heart almost create the perfect combination of punky and horrible. Also, the puffy cap sleeves...why does this make me feel like 1996? I do kind of like the old school stereo and blue coral sculpture in the background though.

LinkImage from

Wow...just wow. There's a lot to absorb here. I think I need a moment. Someone's going to be ready for a date at the country club! Ok, ok, let's hit this one item at a time. Sequins...check, Cardigan style...check, Awkward sleeve length...check, Retina searing color...check and check, Open knit perfect for flashing a little "T"...check, Pants-less mannequin perfect for flashing a little "A"...*sigh* check. The pearls though were inspired...what saucy wasp would be seen without them?

Image from
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...1010111000101011010111010101011010101101010101..."
This sweater in process (in process...hehehe...) really brings out my inner nerd. I think I would probably wear the finished product...thus assuring my prospect of spending valentine's day alone.
Image from Max and Maude

When I was a kid, I remember thinking..."I love those chalky conversation hearts...I just wish I could cover my whole body with them in sweater form!" Actually, I never thought that, but if I had, this would have been absolutely perfect. Now, Max and Maude's Fine Clothing and Gifts for Children have some downright amazing...AMAZING sweaters there. I'm sure I'll be visiting frequently.

Image from Live Journal

Banjo here simply wonders "Why?"

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Sweater Ornaments will keep your tree toasty!

So, Christmas is over and it's been a while since I've written. There's just been a lot going on, hosting family Chirstmas, hanging out with friends, various shenanigans. However, that doesn't mean the sweater fun has to end. I've still got a few posts in mind...and while you may think "How do you do a blog about sweaters all year long?" Surely there will still be a wealth of ugly knit wear to post about. Hilariously bad fashion knows no season...and I may branch out a bit on my "yarns of disaster." For tonight though, let's have a little interactive fun eh?

This Chirstmas Season, I decided that my tree was sorely lacking in sweater related decor. Well, my friend Mel did send me one (check out it's badicalness right uptop there!) Still, I think sweater ornaments are kind of like potato chips, you can't stop at just one. Today, we're going to learn how to do our own "semi-homemade" Christmas tree ornament.

First of all, let's start with some pre-knitted materials. I found these"things" at the thrift store and thought they'd make an excellent starting point. However, an actual Christmas sweater would also prove a great starter source...if you could stand to destroy a work of art that is.

Next, I cut two of the half to form the sleeves. If you're using a regular sweater or knitted material, just cut a piece of material about 4 inches long and about 2 1/2 inches wide, or just cut out 2 classic sweater shapes and stitch them together.

I cut my material in half since it was double the length I needed. See where I'm going with this?

I then stitched together the undersides of the material to form a now, I guessed it, sleeves! Oh joy!

Now those weird looking tubes with the white collars make the perfect sweater body. Just stitch the sleeves onto the side.

Next is the fun part, adding your own personal "pizzaz" to your sweater! I chose to cut a Christmas tree out of felt, but let your own style be your guide. I'm probably going to add some other guady elements to it eventually, but you get busy, you get behind on your sweatercraft. *sigh!* Anyway, be creative! I mean, you've seen the stuff I've posted here, you really can't go wrong. Christmas tree...awesome, reindeer head...great, freakface alien santa and child...go for it!
Happy New Year!