Thursday, January 19, 2012

Doctor, Doctor...

Well, I'm back from St.Louis. I saw a lot of doctors... a lot... of doctors. I got some answers... some good, some bad. It wasn't the most fun I'd ever had, and unfortunately, none of the doctors were dressed in awesome sweaters with their own faces blazing from their chests. However, if you happen to be Dr. Oz, you've got just that opportunity thanks to the amazingly accurate portrait on the lovely green sweater up there. I think it's pretty much made for TV, much like Dr. Oz himself. Maybe he or one of his medical minions will read this blog and let him know that this custom knit wearable swimming in hilarious narcissism is only an email away!

If Dr. Oz isn't your go to guy, there's always this doctor. "Doctor Who?" you might ask. I'd say, "exactly." Oh, and the 7th Doctor to be precise. If that "questionable" sweater vest doesn't instill the greatest of confidence in his skills, I'm not sure what will...

confessions of who
...but maybe this scarf. Who knows!? SeewhatIdidthere?

Let me introduce you to Marbles Hargrove, (aka Melissa McCarthy,) she's not a doctor, but she wears one on TV. If you can see past her highly suspect, E.coli infested soft taco, you can see the obscured visage of one of the greatest doctors of all time staring stoically from her sweater. That's right, Mr. Leonard, I mean Spock. Dr. Spock, no, not the child rearing guru, the pragmatic, highly logical Vulcan. I'm not sure if he can cure what ails you, but he'll make you feel ridiculous for getting all emotional about it.
(Click the link for some hilarious video of Marbles.)

Dr. Spock also available in attractive, crocheted potholder. 

baker street
Last, but not least, let's head to Baker Street for a visit with Dr. John  Watson. He may be the wrong to Sherlock's right, but one thing he can certainly do, if this picture is any indication, is knit you a cozy sweater. You know what they say... a sweater a day keeps the doctor aw... wait... that's not right. That's not right at all, especially if the doctor is knitting the sweater! Brilliant deduction? Indubitably!

I'm sure there are many more Dr. Sweaters out there, but I'm going to leave them to you to find. I'm sick of it! (Haha!)

Saturday, January 14, 2012

So Long Screwy...

This is a skeleton... a hand crocheted skeleton. It's also a scarf, and it took crazy skill to create. Artist Fabienne Gassmann is the creator of this crafty wonder.

Who is Fabienne Gassman? Well...

Fabienne Gassmann studied fashion design in Basel, Switzerland and attended an MA course in Womenswear (Knitwear) at the Royal College of Art.

She now works as a freelance knitwear designer, pattern cutter and maker and is most excited about projects that make her ‘think outside the fashion box’. Her aim for the near future is to apply as many traditional skills as possible to her design processes and try to keep the handmade and bespoke alive in the 21st century...more info on Fabienne Gassmann and her exquisitely well made creations coming soon.
Why did I choose to highlight her fabulous creation? Basically, because it's incredibly relevant to my life right now, especially that second shot of the pelvis. You see, I'm heading to St. Louis, Mo for a consultation with a hip surgeon at Washington University Hospital, specifically The Center for Advanced Medicine. I've been having some big problems with my hips for a while and my orthopedist thinks it'd be a good idea for me to get his opinion on what's going on... which could lead to a pretty major operation. Hopefully it won't end up being the condition it could be, and something can be done for me that won't involve completely deconstructing and rebuilding my pelvis. We'll see... wish me luck!

...See you in St. Louie!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Just Eat It!

FWF... what is FWF, you ask? Why, it's simple. FWF simply stands for "food with faces,"  and it's popular. Beleive me, it's really popular. I myself own several t-shirts with kawaii food items just living it up. I've even bought some for friends. Who wouldn't enjoy a t-shirt emblazoned with a happy cookie holding hands with a carton of milk? Cookie loves milk you know. One of my personal favorites, the food pyramid, shows a bunch of peppy, athletic foods stacking themselves up like edible cheerleaders. What's not to love?

Nothing. That's what.

But here... here's something different. It's meatloaf, and meatloaf doesn't look too happy. I dare say meatloaf looks downright bereft. It's a solid, scientifically proven* fact that meatloaf is known to suffer from social anxiety and drepression more than any other loaf based food. Some might argue that this is actually a sadsack Salisbury Steak, but no, there's no savory gravy there, there's no saucy accent. No, there's just sadness.

Daily Pics
Unlike meatloaf, the pickle pals here, seem perfectly content to spend their lives cooped up in a jar. Either that, or they're all high off the brine.

This is without a doubt, the world's most contented burger.

Of course, like meatloaf, there are other foods out there that might benefit from a dose of zoloft.
This banana peel just isn't feeling fulfilled anymore. It's like he's missing something, like his reason for being is gone, like he's... he's... nothing more than an empty peel. 

Jayne's Kitchen
 Bear cupcakes. They're sweet, like "welcome to the diabeetus" sweet. All colors, all flavors, all adorable.

And now, because Weird Al is never wrong, and because it's relevant and makes me laugh, a little "Eat It."

*98% of all scientific facts that appear on THE UGLY SWEATER are made up on the spot, much like the 100% of the statistics.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Bringin' Sexy Back!

knitting the moment
Need to bring the sexy back? Want to do in an unconventional and frankly, quite confusing way? Then this little black dress might be one way to do it. Just think of all the attention you'll get from the scores of available men with Ravelry accounts. "Hey baby, that dress... it looks spicy, so sexy, so... in progress." *wink*

1 heck of a guy
If you want to get past "in progress" part of knitting something saucy?  Have I got the guide for you. Nikol Lohr has compiled a pattern book full of knitwear to sure to tease and please. Show hubby knitting's not just for woolly sweaters and baby booties. (Though some of these patterns might lead to needing that one!) Who knows, he might be inspired to pick up a pair of needles himself.

1 heck of a guy

 daddy likey
Of course, we can't forget party gear... and what better way to party down than with a knitted dress (or crochet?) that doesn't know when to quit?! (Because that hemline makes it clear it shouldn't have been quit quite yet.) You'll look fabulous as long as you choose to remain in only that pose all night. If you move at all in any way, expect to be the best part of someone's "this one time, I was at this party and this girl was wearing this reaaaaaally short dress, and then when she..." story.

 Rose Kim Knits
And ladies, don't think that the sexy is all for the fellas' benefit. Oh no. You'll have to have someone hold you back when you see your man decked out in this seductive, Granny Squared Snuggie. How can you resist those bedroom eyes and come that hither smile when it's all waiting for you- wrapped in a handmade, backwards robe with hot, sexy love in every stitch? Sip that tea baby, and I'll see you when I get home.