Sunday, August 26, 2012

The Knitting Arts...

Ah art. Is there anything more beautiful, more poetic, anything else that touches the human core like art? Probably, but we're not talking about it. We're talking about art, so deal with it! Specifically, I want to introduce you to some fine art about knitting...

Here's a good one to get us started. "Knitting B.C." (Before Crochet) This fine drawing is of one of the rarest dinosaur species ever discovered: Tyrannknitsaurus Rex. This king of the tyrant knitters is believed to have been even fiercer than his better known Tyrannosaur cousin. Paleontologists argue that his rage may have been fueled by the fact that his one known pastime was utterly hindered by his ludicrously short and thusly ineffective arms.

"The Knitter" 
I do see a cat. I don't see a wedding ring... just sayin'. 
I kid, I kid, take your angry, needle calloused fingers off of the comment button. After all, I knit, I'm single, I don't have a cat... technically. I do have a stray that has adopted me. He, apparently, just feels that I should have a cat. You're 30 and single and you don't have a cat; they send you the starter pack. *sigh.* 

This girl bears a striking resemblance to me, from the red hair to the odd fashion sense, and the many balls of what is surely bargain yarn at her feet, this girl could be my younger, more illustrated self. I even wore my hair like that as a kid... right on top.

I think this is my personal favorite... well, maybe tied with the Tyranknitsaur. This guy's stuff is awesome, and he should email me, and we should draw together sometime. Seriously though, how can you not enjoy Spiderman up there just chillin' with his boy Venom, knittin' it up like spiders do? Truly, he is the Amazing Spiderman!

BAILEY RAMSAY The Knitter... looks like she would just as soon knit you a stocking cap as she would slam one of her pointy needles through your unwilling eye socket. Yikes. Also, she might want to knit herself up a bra while she's at it.

So there you have it, lovers of the yarn based arts, arts based on yarn lovers. There are many more out there to discover, but I ate a lot of Mexican food tonight, and well, things aren't going well, so I'll leave you to it.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Hooked on Famous Faces...

"Sheldon, it's a doll of you! Isn't that remarkable?!"

"No. Higgs Boson is remarkable.This is merely amusing."

"Sheldon, don't be like that. Surely you must be flattered that artist Jackie created such an adorable likeness of you."

"Well of course I'm flattered, even if it is terribly disproportionate."

"It's supposed to look like that Sheldon. That's why it's cute. The artist is interpenetrating your image."  

"Artistic license is no excuse for scientific inaccuracy."

"Sheldon, you're impossible."

"Hokum. I'm standing right here."

Someone who reads this and actually knows Ellen, or "knows" Ellen, like through a friend of her cousin's best friend's sister or something, show her this. She'll love it. I love it. It's adorable. Now if only there was a tiny Sophia Vergara doll for her to interview.

"Hellen, es sooo ghud to seh yoo hagahin!"
"I... what?"
"Es woondherfool to seh yoo! Es been sooo lhong shense weave cotton togethar."
"I really can't understand you at all you...crazy Colombian."
"Oh, Hellen. I knohwj. I thing meh hanglish es akshually getting whorse the lahhongar ayeve an hein hamereicaa."

*Ellen Face*


"FACT.  Allison Hoffman  creates finely crafted dolls of well known television and movie characters. FACT. Dwight Schrute is the most popular prime time character to have appeared on television in the last 50 years."

"Dwight, I don't think that's actually true."

" FACT. All of my facts are 100% correct and accurate, as they have been thoroughly researched and reviewed by a panel of experts in both handicraft and pop culture."

"Dwight, do you mean yourself and Mose?"

"That is irrelevant."

*Stares at camera a la Halpert.*

  "Did Jim put you up to this? Jim put you up to this. I'm putting you on my list. FACT."


"Jamie, have you ever given any thought to Voodoo?

"You mean the pseudo-religious, black magical practice that involves such things as doll analog to inflict pain or trauma upon a living individual?"


"I don't give it much credence, but I guess we could put the myth to the test."

"I'll grab the needles."