Thursday, September 29, 2011

A Wolf Pack of Wearables!

This can't be real. Surely this much Lupine awesomeness doesn't exist on more than one garment? It does make me feel like I was "Born to Roam," like surely I'm wasting my life by sitting here in corporate America. I should be out there, like a lone wolf, answering to no one, howling at the moon, wearing my sweater with the steely eyed determination of the very wolf emblazoned upon it! It can only lead to fortune and glory... after all, there is another poly-cotton blend wolf creation that took the world and its wearers by storm...

...and it's modeled here by my good friend, Travis Arket, crab-fisherman, adventurer, t-shirt aficionado, proud owner of the legendary 3 WOLF MOON. He's a man who knows what he wants, wolf clothing. He's a man knows what he was born to do. He was "born to roam."

Obviously, it's cold outside. There is snow on the ground, and you are bundled in a sweater and scarf. You have however, neglected a hat, and you're wearing ... jorts. JORTS, in the winter. I don't care how warm you say your leggings and boots are. They're not. I own them, and they don't keep you warm, and wearing jorts in the winter is ridiculous. However, your H&M wolf sweater is pretty fierce, so I guess I can forgive you... but hypothermia won't.

Speaking of hypothermia, let's head to Sitka, Alaska! Ah, Sitka, how I miss you. Sitka's a little patch of land on Baranof Island in Southeast AK.  One thing that sets Sitka apart from most any other town in Alaska is that it has a surf shop. Yes, a surf shop. I've been there, and have my own "Euphoria is the first stage of hypothermia" t-shirt to prove it. I don't know if there's any association with this Sitka design and that shop, but I can imagine this would be the perfect thing to warm you up and show some local pride after a day in the, I can assure you, cold Alaskan water.

This is crazy. This is crazy in a totally awesome way. It's a 3-D sweater by Mashallah Design. (More pics on the site.) The wolf head is like RIGHT. THERE. on your shoulder. Everything about this is crazy artistic, from the way the different seams look like folded paper, to the fact that the wolf head is so excellently rendered! I kind of want to see it worn, but I kind of don't. I'm afraid some hipster kid with his white-studded belt, black-framed fake glasses, and ill conceived skinny jeans will ruin it for me.

The story behind the piece:



Remember when I was talking about that hipster kid? Yeah. He's not exactly what I meant, but he's close enough. I'd say there's a bit of hipster in him, but more than a dash of emo making up the difference. This is actually the exact same sweater that "Jorts" is wearing... and I believe it's made an appearance on this blog in a previous post. As a matter of fact, I know it has. If you haven't ever seen my post about Skants, take a moment to familiarize yourself, and then feel bad for the future of humanity.

This makes me think of my 1980s childhood. There was nothing better as a kid than a busy sweater emblazoned with your favorite animal. I had many a glittery kitten in my wardrobe. This is obviously a sweater for an adventurous little boy or rough and tumble little girl. A lone, disembodied wolf head surveying its territory, the snow capped mountains of... somewhere rising high behind him. What more does a kid need? Glitter need not apply.

And of course, as an adult, why not continue your love of disembodied wolf heads, though now, they snarl with the ferocity of full grown rage! And what better place to display such a beast than a soft, purple sweater dress?

Soft. purple. sweater. dress. HOWL AT THE MOOOOOOOOOON!

Friday, September 23, 2011

Vanna Vear Some Lederhosen?

"Nein? NEIN! You vill vear das Lederhosen, ant you vill LIKE IT!"

If there's anything Lederhosen needed, it was to be made of multicolored yarn crocheted into multicolored stripes or granny squares... it's especially nice when paired with a bright purple or yellow turtleneck bodysuit. Seriously. Because those bad boys don't draw enough attention on their own.

Yeah, he's lovin' it. For only $6.00 American, you can make your child's face look like this little guy's... full of confusion, toddler angst, and parental mistrust! Not to mention the fact that a few years down the road, this little ensemble, safely tucked in the family album will be sure to scare off any of the "she's not good enough for you!" girls your precious Wilberforce brings home for dinner.

bluegirl knit
DAS KINDERHOSEN! This... is acceptable. It's hard to hate anything worn by an adorable baby. Plus, these look like they're pretty nicely crafted. You win this round Deutschland, you win this round. 

You can't let the hosen have all the fun! These socken have enough clout to carry any outfit. Just think of how they'd enhance your power pantsuit, bathing costume, or little black dress... they'll really make a statement! I'm not sure what that statement is, but you'll sure be makin' it!

Speaking of making a statement, little does more to make one than showing up with an accordion. Unless it's wearing some handicraft leg cuffs. It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? These "Loferl" as I'm told they're called are apparently traditional leg wear in Germany? Well, I can't say I'm going to be sporting them with my suspender loving short-pants any time soon, but hey those patterns are awesome. I may not use them as leg gauntlets, but they'd make some nice cup cuffs for Starbuck's ridiculous Trenta size.

In all honesty, I think Lederhosen are awesome... they're harbingers of good things... Oktoberfest, hilarious dances, and men with German accents. The local Oktoberfest is actually getting underway this weekend, and I'm hoping to swing by for some Bratwürst und Bräu. I don't have any Lederhosen to wear, but maybe I'll find some strapping, young mensch who's rocking a pair. If so, well, fire up the accordion Fritz, we've got some dancing to do!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

I Ain't Sayin' She A Golddigger...

But she is broke. BROKE. Yeah... she is. What's a broke girl to do? Well, this one's putting ads on the blog. I guess you can say the idea just seemed to... click. I'm not happy about it, but I've gotten to the point where I'm exploring every possible source of income. Ends aren't meeting anymore, bills are piling up, and a recently diagnosed condition that keeps getting worse is really taking a toll on my sad little piggy bank. I'll be visiting second job land pretty soon too... if I can find anything to work into my already overwhelming schedule. Honestly, I'm completely at wits' end.

If you're feeling particularly benevolent you can always PayPal some love to a girl just looking for a break.

The sad thing is, I'm not even joking. :/

Anyway, enough Destitute Debby Downer for the day. Let's cash in on some appropriate knitwear!

The devil may wear Prada, but Vogue "editor-at-large" André Leon Talley wears this. I think the fact that one pant leg is riding flood makes this ensemble extra special! Let's take inventory... one seemingly gigantic black man- check! A blingin' dollar sign sweater- check! A fur scarf that might be a blanket on a normal sized human- check! Complete and total bewilderment as to how this is considered fashionable-check! I've never understood fashion, and if this is it, I hope I never do.

This dress gives a new meaning to the high cost of fashion. It's actually knit from dollar bills by artist Dave Cole! Personally, I'd love to own it... and deconstruct it, and then pay my mortgage with it. Green is my color, after all!
Ah, Cheers! Now, that was a show. Thanks to reruns, it's still the place "you wanna go where people know, people are all the same, You wanna go where everybody knows your name." You remember Frasier, Norm, Cliff, Bar Customer #1, and who could forget Bar Customer #2? Yeah, Bar Customer #2... he and his sweater emblazoned with a huge dollar bill was my favorite.

And finally, sadly, thanks to a frivolous government and tragic economy, this is about as much financial security as most seniors are likely to see. Keep dreaming Grampa, it's better than than reality!

"Ain't no millions, ain't no hundos. Single in my pocket's all I gots."

Monday, September 12, 2011

Autumn, Fall, That season after Summer...

Welcome to an Autumnal explosion! First off, we've got Pumpkins, Pumpkins, PUMPKINS!
A thousand different textures and colors is the message of fall, and this sassy little thing pulls it off...because she's 3. All you crafty ladies reading this, jonesing for this look... put down the crochet needles and appliques and step away from the simplicity pattern. See that stern face and pointing finger? She's telling you, "NO!"

HOOT! HOOT! HOOTold you to wear that?  The sweater's not so bad, but paired with an owl head, well, that's making a bit too much of a statement for me. Unless, of course, you're looking for a quick Halloween costume, which I often am. The sweater looks a little hairy, and for some reason, the overall look and pose make me think of Hagrid from Harry Potter, but hey, that belt's pretty wicked. In all seriousness, check out this chick's blog. The girl's got a lot of gorgeous, vintage fashion, and I'm always a fan of that. Plus, she's got a lobster brooch I'm coveting a bit. However, and no offense random stranger from the internet, your photo stylings and peculiar blend of fashions, had me loling. "Ok, now take this one where I'm looking dreamily to the left!"

It's an etsy hat with a regretsy attitude!

 Handmade Spark
From the description: "Perfect for lady or very brave and funny lad!" Sure, it's perfect for a lad, you know, if it's for an ugly sweater party, or a laugh with your friends, or if you're a regular on "The Office." However, if you, in your devil may care lifestyle, decide to bust this puppy out on any given day of the week, no context, no explanation, be prepared for this face from passing strangers...

yeah. exactly.