Thursday, September 27, 2012

Game ON!

My gosh. FINALLY something for those days when I really, REALLY just want to dress up like a cracked out Rubix Cube!

Don't go thinking the Rubix Cube has a Monopoly on the game sweater market. Oh no. If you did, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars! 

Plus, Monopoly sweater offers free parking in the rear. 


Friday, September 21, 2012

Cats, Cats, and MORE Cats!

 "20 delightfully feline designs for handknitters." 
Twenty. I mean, why bother with twenty when you've clearly hit it out of the park with ol' number one up there? Cats themselves are beautiful creatures- lithe, graceful, proud, and sleek. This is... not that. That cat is not OK. Something is wrong, badly wrong with him! He looks like he's got a case of the gurgles, and that garden's about to face some hard times. This is one of those articles of clothing that you just kind of stare at, trying to figure out who on earth it was meant for. I'll tell you who it wasn't meant for- anyone. It especially wasn't meant for a young woman. Judging by the model's hair and jewelry, she's about to wear that over sized cat poncho to special occasion, possibly some society gala or, let's hope, a first date. Nothing sparks a dinner conversation like your awkward and ill-proportioned cat covered clothing!

Let's move on to bachelorette number 2.

First of all... what? Secondly, that cat looks so amused!

I'd like to imagine the conversation leading to this design went something like this:

"I've got a GREAT idea for a new cat sweater."

"Oh? Let's hear it!"

"OK, well, I want the cat to be just kind of hanging over the wearer, like if you just took a cat and punched a hole right in the middle of it and draped it over your head it would look  just. like. that.  Minus the horrific mess of course."

"I'm liking it, but I feel like it needs more."

"How about some three dimensional ears?"


"Let's place them awkwardly over a boob."

"Brilliant! You've done it again! This ranks right up there with your cat in the garden design!"

Crazy cat lady, the training years.
I think the following accurately describes my reaction.

Daddy still thinks she's his sweet, innocent princess, but those eyes say otherwise.

Much like this entire ensemble. There is nothing innocent about that shirt tug, those hole riddled short shorts, and of course, that demon cat. Hipster is a heart breaker.

This however, is innocent... and incredible. When I was that age, don't think I didn't own a cat sweater or two. Oh yeah, and mine had GLITTER THREAD. (Thanks 80s, for being the best decade!) What's so great about these is that they're completely horrible, but when you're a kid, you're like 'AHHHH KITTIES!!!!" I mean, look at that brown sleeve cat. It's like a cracked out monkey weasel, but that kid is stoked to be wearin' it.

"Puuurfect, puuuurfect! Now, sing me Soft Kitty!"

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Sweater Inception... Featuring Xibit!

 [an old looking Saito is sitting opposite Cobb, after his men have found him washed ashore]
Saito: [to Cobb] Are you here to kill me? I know what this is.
[he picks up the ugly sweater from the table]
Saito: I've seen one before many, many years ago. It belonged to a man I met in a half-remembered dream. A man possessed of some radical notions. 
Radical notions like sweaters within sweaters... within dreams.

 Saito: It's stained and frayed in such distinctive ways, but it's very definitely made out of wool. And it's polyester, which means that I'm not wearing my own sweater in my apartment. You have lived up to your reputation, Mr. Cobb, I'm still dreaming!

Yo dawg, I heard you like things within things that are like other things, so we put a sweater on your sheep so you can have some wool with your wool.

Ariadne: Cobb, no. Sheep...sheep are not real.
Dom Cobb: How do you know that?
Ariadne: Sheep are just a projection. Xzibit...Xzibit is real!
...This post is terrible.

 You know it is, Xzibit.

(This is what a 12hr migraine gets you. Hey, they can't all be old men in hotpants.)

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Double Your Pleasure. Triple Your Fun!

Sweaters are fun as they are. Who doesn't have a good time wrapped in a cozy jumper? (That's right, Jumper... that's for you lovely readers across the pond, because I love you.) Anyway, I know I'm ready for this hot, humid summer to subside, the sundresses to go back in storage, and the sweaters to come out of the wardrobe... but still, all my sweaters are single serve. What could possibly be better than that?

Old people!!! I mean, a cardigan knit for two! I guess after a lifetime together, you really do just kind of morph into one person... or maybe that's just your clothing. 

I call this one "the sandwich," good for keeping warm, great for making friends, family, and strangers alike extremely uncomfortable when you show up for the Christmas Party, (especially if you show up for the stranger's Christmas party.)

And then, there are these: "Smittens." Smittens. The very name makes me want to vomit rainbows. I wonder if you have to hand over your man card when you a buy a pair? Also, according to the picture above, you wear them in the summer... at the lake, which is the best time for relationship handcuffs smittens. (Pattern in the linkage)

I've posted this before, but I think it bears a repost. If you think all this togetherness is new, think again.This vintage image proves that overly attached girlfriends have existed for ages. You just keep drinkin' buddy. It'll be alright. (Because you're probably dead now.)

Monday, September 3, 2012

College Football is Back!

College Football is back, and it's a great time to be a fan! Why? Because football is a great sport! I dare say, the best sport. The atmosphere, the pageantry, the bands, the $10 Cokes (no refills!) . What's not to love? Now, all of you international readers probably won't agree with that statement, but that's OK, and yes, we realize there is very little "foot" involved in our version of "football."

Another wonderful thing about football season is that the weather FINALLY starts to cool down, and we can say goodbye to the horrid temperatures and the humidity and hello to breezy days and fall fashion. Speaking of fall fashion, there's no better way to support your team than by wearing something emblazoned with your mascot. Of course, there are the traditional choices, but why not be a little more creative and go with something like one of the following options:

(Complete with mini Aubie AND 80s hair!)
(Honey Badgers need not apply)

Russel Heimlich
(Sports Illustrated?)

 in my life time nyc
Florida State
( I could try to come up with some joke one minority donning another minority that would come off as borderline offensive, no matter the intention, but I think I'll just avoid that like the plague. Also, I just can't think of anything even remotely funny. Instead, I'll just say that FSU was the first college game I ever attended, and I'll always have a special place in my heart for the Seminoles.)

girl on the rocks
Ohio State
(For all you Buckeye nuts.)

(Nothing says super like a sweater vest.)

(This is probably a new uniform design. *commence eye roll.)

(If you know what I mean...)

 (Saved the best for last! If you can't tell by that statement right there, I'm an Alabama fan. Really, I think it's kind of funny that no one's caught on that we're really an NFL team that just practices at a college. ;) ROLL TIDE ROLL!)