Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Out Of Control Turtlenecks!

It's finally autumn. The air is crisp, the leaves are changing, and everyone's breaking out the cold weather gear. One staple of which is, the turtleneck. Now, a turtleneck is a versatile  piece of clothing; it can be dressed up or down as the occasion demands. Elegant or casual, you can't go wrong with a simple turtleneck.


  I said simple! Geeze...nobody listens to me.

"Hey fella, you got a little something on your ne... Oh, it's part of the sweater? Right, sorry. Hey...did you make it from one of those pot holder kits we used to play with when we were kids? No? Oh, it's designer? Dolce & Gabbana? Really? Do they have one of those pot holder kits?"

WHY? WHY, would you kill a harmless Domo for fashion? WHY? Shame on you Mason Martin Magiela!

Where is PETA when you need them?


I feel like she's hiding something terrible under there.  Like, if I was to unbutton that cigarette-like tower covering her face, I'd see something terrifying, like this:

 or this:
 or this
 God bless you Steve and your horrible teeth.

Now, not every turtleneck tragedy comes from the turtleneck itself. No...sometimes it's more of a 'user error.'

 celebrity workout

Speaking of errors, here's this total douche "celebrity," Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino of Jersey Shore. Before he became a (sighs to self to have to use this term) star, he was just a normal guy, hanging out with the fam...taking some pictures. Mike, welcome to your awkward family photo...


CODE BLUE, CODE BLUE (and white and grey) we've got an overdose on ribbed turtlenecks here! Everyone stay calm! STAY CALM! We've got (say it with me!) THE SITUATION under control! (Well...maybe not. I think someone needs to invest in a Bro.) But yeah, wow. That's just...that's just a whole lot of turtleneck for one family. Remember Situation kids, you can have too much of a good thing...or well, too much of a thing.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Spool Knitting

I started this blog simply due to the fact that I find horrible Christmas sweaters to be one of the greatest Holiday treats in existence...right up there with decorating the tree and making jokes about fruitcake. However, even though there is plenty of disasterously wonderful knitwear out there, you just can't talk about embarrassing sweaters all the time...only a lot of the time.

I've been astounded by the interesting creations I've discovered concerning knitting and textile arts in general while writing this silly blog. One thing that has kept me intrigued is that it's an area of art in which I am not well versed or skilled...which brings me to today's topic.

Remember when you were a kid and you got that little kit that allowed you to weave potholders?

Yeah, great memories that one. Well, that pretty much explains my the extent of my abilities in the weaving/knitting/crocheting world. Oh, don't get me wrong; I've clacked a few needles together before, but the end result was always something along the lines of, 'well, I can just wind this back onto the ball...'

So yeah, I can't say that I have any real skills with the craft. However, one nifty little contraption I did discover a few years ago was the knitting spool. Basically, it's an old wooden thread spool with a few nails banged haphazardly into the top. (Well, mine is, but you know, some people get fancy.)

still nicer than mine...ehow

 fancy! Spoolknitter

(I just started looking up spool knitters and whoa...there are some elaborate deals out there...but I assume they all work about the same.)

Anyway, spool knitting is actually pretty easy to learn. 


I have what I assume must be roughly 17 miles of spool-knitted rope. I have no idea what to make from it. I was just thrilled I could make rope. Some people are pretty talented though and take these very basic ideas to the next level...

I came across this blog where the artist Crispina FFrench is talking about a rug workshop using the potholder method. I was amazed by this red rug. I thought it was really a beautiful WIP. She's got some cool posts and her idea of 'sweater chopping' will be a future post for me. 

A 'Gnome hat' made from spool knit rope on an adorable child. The artist, Lara, has a lot of interesting craft work. I love this. It's so cute and colorful and looks like killer fun to make. 17 miles of can totally pull this look off at 29 right?


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Yarnbombing: Sweater-Trees and More...

There is nothing about that title which you should immediately understand...well, except the word 'more.'

So, what is yarnbombing? Probably not what you think...

...but maybe kind of what you think.

I don't


this... a yarnbombing in process. It's a lot slower than regular bombing, and unlike a regular bombing, it's kind of awesome.

Wikipedia, the fount of all modern day (mis)information defines it as this:
Yarn bombing, yarnbombing, graffiti knitting or yarnstorming is a type of graffiti or street art that employs colorful displays of knitted or crocheted cloth rather than paint or chalk. While yarn installations – called yarn bombs or knit bombs – may last for years, they are considered non-permanent, and, unlike graffiti, can be easily removed if necessary. The practice is believed to have originated in the U.S. with Texas knitters trying to find a creative way to use their leftover and unfinished knitting projects, but it has since spread worldwide.[1]

Trees are often the chosen target of the yarnbombers...

Impact Lab

However, yarnbombers do not limit their restless needles and hooks to shivering flora. Anything's game in their eyes:

Take THAT, Partridge family! I bet you're not so smug about your multicolored bus now, are you?

Thread Bear's Picnic

^This is my personal favorite. It's a really interesting dichotomy of images and ideas.
Mustashe amazingness by Sara Mcguyer
Image copyright of Theresa Honeywell

Things like this are whimsical. They allow us to break from the mundane, and, if only for a moment, tilt our heads, and smile. I mean, every once in a while, who wouldn't like to step into a world where Dr. Seuss had some creative input?

Truffula Trees

Of course, as with all art, yarnbombing has sparked controversy. Naysayers decry it as wasteful, a squandering of resources which could be put to better use: make sweaters for the homeless! knit gloves for the aged! crochet hats for children with cancer! Should those things be done? Yes, of course! But, they should be done out of the goodness of one's spirit, not because to do otherwise is somehow 'wrong.'

However, the problem with the argument as far as I'm concerned is that art, does not function as a commodity...yes, it is a commodity, but that is not its function. Art's primary function is expression...and its result is response. A painting, a sculpture, or a drawing is rarely 'beneficial' outside of what reaction it ignites. However, I do not think that anyone would condemn Michelangelo's use of marble for the Pietà simply because it could have gone towards a more civic purpose.

Some things are food for the soul and that is the only defense they need.

(I'm going to go ahead and put my art degree back in my pocket now...because...whoa.)

So here's Mothra:
Knit The City: The Knit the City Yarn Corps


Joined at The Knit

A tandem bike...

A Popsicle for you and a friend...

Dinner for two...

Some things are nice to share...

...and somethings are...ah...

In some bizarre-o, 1980's giant-world, a very large Jennifer Beals is missing her sweatshirt. I also see that we've moved beyond skants now and are just using the sleeves as leg warmers...or as I now like to call them, Slegwarmers©.

"Honey, see, I told you everything would be swell, just swell! Jim and Bob hardly made any fun of you at all, and you know how those boys are, they'll probably be too hungover to bring it up at your sales meeting with the boss tomorrow anyway. Now, don't you pay any attention to that camera!

...Oh Tommy, *sigh, I wish you wouldn't drink so much. "

Emasculation via Knitwear circa 1963.

...Remember that scene in Alien?

You know...

This one?

Lego version used for the sake of the squeamish, and because it's awesome.

I'm seeing a similarity, although Mom seems a lot happier about her lil' chestburster than Kane did.

Friday, September 17, 2010

What A Bunch of Skants...

So, I've not posted in over a year.

That is not awesome.
Not at all.

This so. many. horrible. ways...

Sweater Pants...'Skants'

The Urban Dictionary defines Skants as: When one takes a sweater or shirt, turns it upside down and wears it as pants. Legs go through the arm holes. Sewing up the neck hole is optional.

Taylor Lautner, I blame you. (I'm ignoring the Duran Duran comment.)

Joseph and the technicolor dream skants.

I don't believe this exists, but all I can think of is the term 'Birthing pants.' That's all I can see, birthing pants. Cant. unsee. it. (Although, I do truly love her 'look at my incredible angst and artistry' pose. )

Now, that second pair, it just looks like she had a massive blow out. Next time, don't go for the chili, sweetcheeks.

But hang on, let me get back to that first number. If you actually made that hoodie, I will give props to your skills. If however, you, as I assume, just put it on in such a fashion...let me offer you some assistance: