Saturday, February 18, 2012

30 Rock: Bikini Sunrise

"I finished knitting that swimmin' costume for Ms. Jenna like Ms. Lemon asked, but I really don't think she ought to wear it on the television. Mawmaw Parcell used to say only two kinds of women wore string...bikinis...Marilyn Monroe and the 'good time girls' that drank and smoked out behind the school house, and she did NOT approve of Marilyn Monroe!"

"Mister Jordan, do you believe everyone has a calling in life? Somethin' they're ...well, born... to do?"

"Yes, Kenneth, I do. People all around us were born to do things. Look at Jack. He was born to run whatever company this is, or Liz, the way she makes awkward moments even more uncomfortable. It's like a gift, Kenneth! A terrible gift. Why, do you ask, young white man?"

"Well Mister Jordan, I think maybe I was born to knit. I know making that harlot suit was a sin, but from now on, Kenneth Ellen Parcell will only use these nimble fingers for good!"

"...And no, I didn't knit this; Kenneth did. That, or he murdered and skinned a Muppet. You've got to get a handle on the yokel, Lemon."

"JACK! LIZ LEMON! Did you see this sweater Kenneth knitted for me? I could be the next black Bill Cosby! All I need is a box of Jello Pudding Pops and some kids that I can dispense my fatherly wisdom to! Grizz, Dot Com, come here and let me guide you into manhood!"


the times tribune
"Liz, I think we ought to support Kenneth's talent... especially when his talent showcases my own! Of course you know I was the spokeswoman for the 2010 Wool Bowl. Well, I'm in negotiations with Crochetapalooza right now to be their headliner."

"Crochetapa....wha? Jenna, how is Kenneth's... 'talent' supposed to help you?"

"Oh Liz, don't you see? I'll be wearing a 'KEP' original! Introducing a designer to the fashion world is a really big deal, and as his muse-"

"I really don't think you're his mu-"

"Listen Liz, I know seeing me shine is difficult for you because you got one of the homely talents, like writing, but just think about all the good you do for people like me... to help people like you feel better about not being people like me. Kenneth and I owe it to the world to be dazzling... especially me."

yarn store blog
"Lemon, it's Jack. I'm down on Wall Street... things aren't good."

"Occupiers?"

"I think Kenneth got out of the studio."

disapoint sad liz lemon disappoint disapoint sad liz lemon disappoint
"You chinless little peach eater! So help me, I'm going to pack you and your bright-eyed optimism straight back to Bumpkin's Holler!"
"Jack, it's Liz. I found Kenneth in Central Park, knitting a cozy for a police horse. He took a pretty hard kick to the face, but he seems...mostly alright. Apparently, it brought back fond memories of playing pin-the- tail on the donkey back in Stone Mountain..."

"Real Donkey?"

"I think that was implied, Jack. Anyway, thanks to some convenient brain damage, he's completely forgotten how to knit... that and he keeps calling me Mr. Estrada. Oh, and I've also instituted a new policy around the office regarding handicraft."

"Well done, Lemon. By the way, have you been watching the news? Why is Tracy in California?"

"I'M A JEDI! WATCH ME AMERICA! THE EMPIRE STRIKES BLACK!"

"Tracy! WHAT THE WHAT!?"

No comments: