Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Swingin' Solstice Singles!

The Winter Solstice is upon us, and what better way to celebrate the turning of nature's page than with some seasonal beauties. And speaking of seasonal beauties, let me introduce you to the latest dating site the web has to offer... just in time for a Solstice sweetheart:

♥KNIT TOGETHER♥
This is Melvin P. Garfinkle, age 37. Melvin is looking for a lady that shares his love of Star Wars, cultivating fungi, and wearing seasonally appropriate turtlenecks and sweaters. When Melvin isn't busy playing with his Sims, he enjoys conversing with other Linux enthusiasts, adding to his Ewok figurine collection, and posting comments on  youtube videos. Melvin's ideal woman is not opposed to Cosplay, must be open to the possibility that hidden magical societies exist (i.e. Harry Potter), and should remind him very strongly of his mother. If you're just the lady Melvin is looking for, email him at: Melvinislarping@garfinkle.com

This is Richard Snibbly. Richard is the night manager at Dwight's Office Supply Co. Richard is looking for the love of his life- a lady who appreciates the fine, subtle difference a 28lb bright white paper stock provides over the common 20lb weight. Richard likes to spend his time comparing the ink absorption capabilities of name brand sticky notes versus generic, finding innovative ways to prepare Ramen Noodles, and knitting staple cozies. Are you Richard's special someone? If you are, Richard says you would ideally be between 5'2 and 5'4 and weigh anywhere between 100lbs and 350lbs, liking cats is a plus. Want to spend some time getting to know Richard? Email him at: thesupplyguy@dwightsofficesupply.com

Ladies, meet Chazz Pizzle. Chazz is looking for the perfect way to romance you for the solstice. Chazz considers himself a ladies' man, and says he knows how to treat a woman like a woman. Your date with Chazz will include a greeting with flowers, the finest of carnations, and a box of Palmer's chocolates. You will sup at his favorite hotdog cart, and  be treated to a trip to New Jersey to play his brother's kid's Xbox. Chazz says his perfect lady will appreciate the fact that he's not a "9 to 5" kind of man, and understands that when he says he will pay you back... he will... eventually. Chazz likes a lady who takes care of herself, who knows how to dress- "cut low up high and high down low." Big hair and spray tans are more than welcome. Looking to be swept off your feet by Mr. Pizzle? Email him at: chazzlldazzleu@aol.com

Gentlemen, don't think you're alone here. Knit Together is full of wonderful women just waiting to meet you... women like Cathy Marie Frankle. Cathy Marie is a cafeteria worker at William Howard Taft Middle School, and she loves her job! Cathy Marie's favorite activity is running the industrial mixer on "Cheesecake Day." When she's not working hard, Cathy Marie spends her time volunteering at the library, raising exotic, long-haired gerbils, and growing her own parsley. She also has a passion for making her own holiday sweaters. Her favorite holidays are Christmas, Flag Day, and Arbor Day, and Cathy Marie has a sweater for them all! Cathy Marie says her ideal man would share her love of rodents, and ice cream scoop shaped mashed potatoes. Is Cathy Marie your holiday honey? If you think so, email her at: lunchladylover@whtms.edu

Meet one of our success stories: Wendy and Gillman Spazzwackin. Wendy and Gillman met on Knit Together in December of 2009, and had their first date on the 21st of that month. Six months later, Gillman proposed to Wendy at their local goat auction. Wendy and Gillman credit the success of their courtship to their common interests of small, domestic ungulates, finely knit applique sweaters, and collecting unpopular comics. For their anniversary this year, Gillman and Wendy plan to take a romantic vacation with their pet goat "Tribble" to Cawker City, Kansas to see the world's largest ball of twine.

Don't be alone this Solstice, join Knit Together and find the love of your life... TODAY!

Want to win $100 for your ugly sweater? Check out VNSNY's Ugly Sweater Contest!

Oh, and a big holiday welcome to all the new followers! It's great to have you here!

3 comments:

Mystic said...

Melvin's ability to rock a turtleneck combined with his love of fungi cultivation = pure bliss for some lucky girl. :)

Elizabeth Douglas said...

He sure does! You know beneath those glasses and awkward facial hair lies the heart of a red hot lover! lol!

Liza said...
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