Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Crostache. A Mustache For The Rest of Us.

The mustache, it's the facial accessory of champions. It's bold, it's in your face. It's in their face... while being on your face. Want that big promotion, grow a 'stache. Want a date with your favorite lady? Don't go at her with a naked upper lip. Tired of being treated like a child? Then stop looking like one. Man up with a Fu Man Chu.
Ladies, don't think this advice applies only to the dudes. A femstache can be just as intimidating... probably more so given the rarity. A girl with a thick, manly mustache is sure to be in command of any room she enters.

But really, the coup de grĂ¢ce is the babystache. Resistance is futile.

But how, you ask, does one not naturally endowed with enough testosterone to grow such a magnificent dust brush obtain one? Never fear! Plushstache is here for the rest of us! But don't think you have to go all fancy pants and buy the name brand. Oh no, you can crochet up one yourself! Put it on a stick and hold it up like fancy pair of opera glasses (because we ALL use those!) or attach some elastic to each side, slip it over your head, and voila! Or, of course, you can just slap some double sided tape on there and work it. There might be a pattern in one of the links I've provided. I honestly don't know. I don't think I've slept since mid October. I'm started a good strong sugar buzz in prep for Halloween at that point, and it's still raging.

Oh, and let's not stop at human faces to unleash the power of the mighty handlebar. Bestache your phone with a great crochet case! 
Or, bestache your baby's booties! Anyone can bestache a pacy, but the boots, that's good parenting right there.

Here's another way to wear a mustache. Show it off on your sweater. What a perfect combination! It's like your own wearable Snydely Whiplash! Of course, there are other ways to sport your stache... just as there is more than one kind of mustache...

Such as the Porn Stache. Even those of us that shy away from this particular brand of facial accoutrement know this look well. It's a bit of a cultural icon, and this mug has it nailed. Ron Jeremy would be so proud.

Wife of brian on Etsy does a complete 180 from the Porn Stache and brings us what I like to think of as "The Paul Bunyan," a GIANT crostache that would make any giant lumberjack weep with joy. Don't have any skills when it comes to the fabric arts, well, here's a quick and easy way to 'stache it up...

Here I am on Halloween sporting my own 'stache on a stick. It's made from felt, which is of course, a lovely fiber material to work with. Just cut out the shape of mustache you want, (fold the felt in half so you get two the same shape... glue them together for strength), hot glue or tape it to the stick, and bam, instant disguise! My friend Cindy made these... she even brought enough for the whole class! Rainbow Brite likes.

Mr. Mustache McBeardface approves this post.

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