Thursday, October 13, 2011

Tasteful Options.

"Hello, welcome to Skeined Alive Knitting Co., where all your custom knitting needs are met. How can we help you this morning?"

"Yes, hi. I'd like to purchase a pumpkin sweater for my 6 year old daughter."

"Of course ma'am. Can you describe what you'd like please?"

"You know, something simple, orange, maybe a jack-o-lantern face. Just something cute that seems Halloweeny."

"Excellent. I think we have just the thing!"

"Er..."

"You don't like it? It's top quality, I assure you."

"Well, it's... not that it's not well made, but I'm fairly certain that's a carrot."

"Hmm. Well, I'll have you know that Jack-o-Lanterns were originally carved from various root vegetables, not just pumpkins. I'm sure carrots were used! It's educational!"

"Riiiiight... Er, do you have anything else?"

"Of course ma'am. Perhaps this will be more to your liking?"
"That's a...cat? on a hot pink sweater."

"A classic symbol of Halloween."

"My daughter's allergic to cats... terribly. Please, I'm just looking for something with a pumpkin or a Jack-o-Lantern."

 "Well then, this will be perfect!"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"I fail to see how this doesn't meet your requirements...madam."

"You fail to see? Wha? It's not a pumpkin or a Jack-o-Lantern! It's a... a... hmm. Yeah. What exactly is it?"

"It's $84 and someone will appreciate it!"

"Here. Orange, black, smiling pumpkin colored face, what could possibly be wrong with this one?"

"You're serious?"

"You honestly have a problem with it?"

"That' Alex DeLarge, NOT a Jack-o-Lantern! A Clockwork Orange! He's one of the most horrible, violent, terrible people ever portrayed on film! Yes, I have a problem with it!"

"Now you're just splitting hairs."

"Look, have you got anything for A SIX YEAR OLD FOR HALLOWEEN OR NOT!?"

"Perfect for any six year old."

"I think we're done here."

"I'm sorry we couldn't accommodate you, ma'am. I'm sure you'll find another shop more suited to your generic... taste."

"Yes, well, perhaps the staff will be less ru...WAIT! Over there, in the corner! What's that!?"

"That? I was about to cut it up for dust rags!"

"NO! It's perfect! It's just what I wanted! How much?"

"Uh.. I suppose you can just take it. It's horrible, trash really."

"Thank you! Wonderful! She'll love it!"

"Yes well, I suppose she will if she has her mother's taste... or lack thereof. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to start setting out our Thanksgiving stock."

"Lovely."

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