Monday, April 18, 2011

All Hands On Deck!

Hello all! I'm back from my Deadliest Catch Seattle adventure! (Soon to be a Shenanigan Files post!)  Now, on my trip, I spent a lot of time around all things nautical, and since I spent so much time around boats, on boats, talking about boats, and to people who work on boats, I thought I'd do a little maritime themed sweater postin'.

Price: $104.99
Berek. Why did I not know about Berek? It's like the ugly sweater Mecca! It touts itself as "art you can wear," and far be it from me to say it's not, but wowzers. Sure, sweaters like these took ages of time to design and create, but the hilarity is pretty much there from the start. I mean, take a look at this nautical treasure land... that gold brocade, the orange sails against that puffy cloud, it just screams "hardcore sailor." I think I'll send some of these up to some of my manly fishing buddies. I know they'd appreciate them for both their beauty and functionality. Besides, at 104.99, they're practically giving them away!

Price: $.99
 The auction starts at 99 cents? 99 CENTS? That's incredible! That lace collar alone is worth at least that. Cruise in style like the best of Grandmas with this lovely design. Still, there's something... unsettling about this scene. The colors are bright and cheerful, the big red bow, pretty jazzy, and yet, it seems as if the picture is empty, devoid of life. That floating anchor on the front and the lonely hat on the back, perched ever so precariously on the ship's wheel makes it seem as if the ship has been abandoned in a froth sea of turbulent waves. The crew is gone, the Captain as well, and the passengers, nowhere to be found. Perhaps, they've taken off in a lifeboat, been abducted by the pirates surely sailing on the boat in the first sweater, or made it to land only to disappear there. There isn't a sign of what happened to them, only a mysterious message scribbled on the tag in the collar that says "CROTOAN ... dry clean only."

Price: $69.99
I love it when I go on a cruise and all of a sudden, Tetris happens! (Infinity Tetris!)

Avast ye scurvy dog! Be ye Matthew McConaughey? ...Ye be? Aye! Tell me now, one pirate to another, what port did ye be picking up such a fine example of the nautical arts as the anchor riddled sweater ye be wearin'? Some distant Orient market? A secret cove? The pirate's council? Target? You'd be welcome to sail on me ship anytime. A fine ship she be, The Black Purl! There be just a few procedures to take care of... first, a check for illegal substances. No worries, rum's fine lad, fine. Have ye a urine samp... By the four winds! Sailor, what foul witch's brew be that?! Me thinks yer not to be passin' yer drug test!

Grab your gold lamé sailor! Somebody's gonna be FAAAABULOUS!

...but not her. No, not her. She seems more like a disgruntled 1940's housewife, angry that her lout of a husband for spending all his days down at The Drunken Sailor, that horrible pub where he took her on their first date. She should have known then how things would turn out if she stayed with him, but nooooo, she could change him...

It's rare we get the design and a modeling shot!

Norsemen... that's pretty synonymous with boats and tall blond people...both of which are present in this picture! You may not have been graced with the flowing blond hair, statuesque height, or ability to stomach lutefisk, but the sweater... that's a different story. This powerful Nordic design can be your very own! The link I posted includes the pattern! So grab your war hammer, put on your horned helmet, and knit your own fierce Viking standoff! (Cue Zeppelin's Immigrant Song)

All ashore that's going ashore!

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