The Ugly Sweater

Dear Rajesh Koothrappali, Be My Big Bang Valentine...

2012-02-13T22:30:00.000-08:00

Raj, you may be incapable of talking to beautiful women, but you're highly talented when it comes to wearing sextastic sweaters. Not an episode goes by where I don't admire your daring sense of fashion. The way you toss aside the conventional, often douche-baggish wardrobe of today's young, single men is...impressive. Most impressive. You're a maverick, Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali, to take your cues from the likes of Mr. Rogers, and oh so fittingly, Mr. Wizard.

The Reasonably Prudent Law Student

Be still my heart... and my retinas! Those colors and patterns might be seizure inducing, but Raj, you wear them so well. Very few men could pull off an outfit of such competing colors and stripes, but I think you pull it off... or you should! ... Pull it off that is, as in remove it from their person!

BAZINGA!

Fashionburu

All Bazinging aside, how can you not love this man? He's as sweet and innocent as a soft kitty. Yet, he's as fiery and intense as a Supernova. (I know you like that analogy, Raj. I'm using science to seduce you... instead of my usual awkwardness.)

Sweater Vest Tuesday

Howard, I love you, and nice job on the attempt, but you're the poor man's Rajesh in that bland and understated turtlenecked ensemble. Once again, my Bollywood Badboy shines in diamonds... perfectly knitted diamonds.

HYKN
Even Lego wants in on this hot sweater madness.

tremyror
Raj, I'm as confused as you are. Seriously, of all my lovable TBBT (palindrome!) geeks, how does this one not have a steady girlfriend ? HOW I ASK YOU? HOW?

The Blasian Narrative

HOW?
I'm star struck! He's just so physically attractive.
(Get it? GET IT? ...'Cause he's an astrophysicist...which makes that really clever and not lame at all. )

and now for something completely different...

tumbler
Happy Valentine's Day to all! ...Be you geek, dweeb, or spazz, may you spend the day with someone you love, or... if that's just not an option, may you find that totally mint, ultra-rare, NRFP collectable you've been searching for... for like forever, and look, it's like they don't even know what they've got! It's worth at least twice what they're asking!

STAR WARS

2012-02-11T18:47:00.000-08:00

wikipedia

NOT SO LONG AGO ON A BLOG NOT SO FAR AWAY...

Welcome to The Ugly Sweater. My name is Elizabeth, and I love Star Wars. I'm not ashamed,, and I'm not seeking help. I'd be more likely to seek a convention. I'm proud of my affection for a galaxy far, far away. Darth,Obi-Wan,Yoda, Luke, Leia, Han Solo...

mmm... Han Solo...

er, wha? Got distracted there for a minute. Oh... right, yeah not the time. Move along, move along...

Pinterest
*waves hand* "These are not the droids the looking for. You don't need to see his identification." Yeah... you don't need to see his identification. You can rest assured he's a card carrying member of the 501st.
A man that wears a droid on his chest keeps his love for all things Star Wars close to his heart... literally.

wonder land blog
Of course, a man that wears a droid on his...er, unmentionables, probably keeps his love for Star Wars somewhere other than his heart.

Or, in the words of R2D2 "Beep, beep, beep, whirl, WEEEEEE OOOOOOO! ...Beep!"

How to carve roast unicorn
Ah younglings... they're so adorable before they turn to the Dark Side and start killing everyone. Fresh off a pod race, young Anakin here settles in for quiet evening of droid building and slavery in his favorite sweater of indeterminate trilogy.

Once again, everyone's favorite R2 unit comes along for the fun!

mtv geek
Of course, not everyone's a fan of droids, or Han Solo for that matter... UNLESS HE'S FROZEN IN CARBONITE!
If that's the case, then this crochetted Boba Fett helmet is perfect for you!

mtv geek
Or perhaps you prefer your Star Wars related mayhem to be somewhat more primitive and nondiscriminatory in target, then you can do no better than this classic Tusken Raider.

crafty crafty
"An elegant weapon for a more civilized time." ...A Jedi's lightsaber is like a part of their being, an extension of their own connection to the force... each one unique, each one a reflection of its creator. A reflection of its creator... which would lead one to believe she's rather warm and fuzzy. However, that face she's sporting is straight up "A New Hope" Leia, the kind that says, "back off flyboy! I've got a soft, cuddly lightsaber, and I'm not afraid to use it!" Granted, it is excellently crafted, and I'm sure the knitter's midi-chlorian count is through the roof, but unless you're sparring Darth Nerf, I don't think it's going to do you much good against a Sith Lord.

twenty two words
D'aaaaaw! There's nothing more precious than the smiling, plushie faces of our favorite Star Wars characters. Look at that Ewok! Look at that Yoda! Look at that Wookie... DO YOU EVEN SEE THAT WOOKIE AND HOW ADORABLE HE IS? DO YOU? I bet there's a set of these in the Jedi Academy... just you know, keep an eye on the kid that gravitates to Vader.

oh yes I knit
Yoda, you seek Yoda! Thankfully, I've found him. A man who knits... knit this life-sized, pint-sized Jedi. I think we can all agree, the force is strong in this one. Yoda's still in progress here, obviously, since his feet are missing, but how totally force is this?! I've got great respect for anyone who can knit such an accurate depiction of that wizened visage.

"Luminous beings we are, not this crude material"
(Granted, Yoda was speaking of flesh vs force, but I think it can apply equally to a nicely worsted yarn.)

oh yes I knit

oh yes I knit

hooked on books
Knit one, purl a small thermal exhaust port right below the main port...

Zazzle
"Impressive. Most impressive."

Groundhog Day, All Over Again...

2012-02-02T21:25:00.000-08:00

planet june

Today was Groundhog Day... a day when we Americans, so attuned to our modern world, so dependent on our iPhones, tablets, laptops, GPS units, and every other technological device found under the sun, turn to a large, skittish rodent to forecast the future our weather pattern for the next six weeks.

Seems legit.

According to Punxsutawney Phil, the most famous of all the meteorologically inclined critters, six more weeks of winter are to befall us, and only the foolishly un-superstitious have stored away the winter coats and ice scrapers. Of course, if you live where I do, "six more weeks of winter," = "hey look, six weeks of winter!"

And now for your obligatory Bill Murray, Groundhog day joke:

Seems legit.

Seems legit.

Seems legit.

IT'S A JOKE! SEE? BECAUSE OF THE MOVIE, AND THAT THING THEY DID WHERE EVERYTHING HAPPENED OVER AND OVER AGAIN... WITH THAT GIRL..WAS THAT ANDI MCDOWELL? OH, AND THAT KID IN THE TREE, AND THE GROUNDHOG... HEY, REMEMBER WHEN HE PUT THE TOASTER IN THE BATHTUB? NO, NOT THE GROUNDHOG! BILL MURRAY! DUH! YOU KNOW? THAT WAS A GREAT MOVIE... BILL MURRAY'S HILARIOUS. EVER SEE WHAT ABOUT BOB? YOU SHOULD. IT'S GREAT TOO, AND ZOMBIELAND, THAT'S CLASSIC MURRAY RIGHT THERE... BUT...YEAH, BECAUSE... OF THAT. ...Yeah.

Doctor, Doctor...

2012-01-19T16:19:00.000-08:00

esquire

Well, I'm back from St.Louis. I saw a lot of doctors... a lot... of doctors. I got some answers... some good, some bad. It wasn't the most fun I'd ever had, and unfortunately, none of the doctors were dressed in awesome sweaters with their own faces blazing from their chests. However, if you happen to be Dr. Oz, you've got just that opportunity thanks to the amazingly accurate portrait on the lovely green sweater up there. I think it's pretty much made for TV, much like Dr. Oz himself. Maybe he or one of his medical minions will read this blog and let him know that this custom knit wearable swimming in hilarious narcissism is only an email away!

hacksaw jenny

If Dr. Oz isn't your go to guy, there's always this doctor. "Doctor Who?" you might ask. I'd say, "exactly." Oh, and the 7th Doctor to be precise. If that "questionable" sweater vest doesn't instill the greatest of confidence in his skills, I'm not sure what will...

confessions of who
...but maybe this scarf. Who knows!? SeewhatIdidthere?

best week ever

Let me introduce you to Marbles Hargrove, (aka Melissa McCarthy,) she's not a doctor, but she wears one on TV. If you can see past her highly suspect, E.coli infested soft taco, you can see the obscured visage of one of the greatest doctors of all time staring stoically from her sweater. That's right, Mr. Leonard Nem...er, I mean Spock. Dr. Spock, no, not the child rearing guru, the pragmatic, highly logical Vulcan. I'm not sure if he can cure what ails you, but he'll make you feel ridiculous for getting all emotional about it.
(Click the link for some hilarious video of Marbles.)

craftzine
Dr. Spock also available in attractive, crocheted potholder.

baker street
Last, but not least, let's head to Baker Street for a visit with Dr. John Watson. He may be the wrong to Sherlock's right, but one thing he can certainly do, if this picture is any indication, is knit you a cozy sweater. You know what they say... a sweater a day keeps the doctor aw... wait... that's not right. That's not right at all, especially if the doctor is knitting the sweater! Brilliant deduction? Indubitably!

I'm sure there are many more Dr. Sweaters out there, but I'm going to leave them to you to find. I'm sick of it! (Haha!)

So Long Screwy...

2012-01-14T22:22:00.000-08:00

ajoureblog

This is a skeleton... a hand crocheted skeleton. It's also a scarf, and it took crazy skill to create. Artist Fabienne Gassmann is the creator of this crafty wonder.

Who is Fabienne Gassman? Well...

Fabienne Gassmann studied fashion design in Basel, Switzerland and attended an MA course in Womenswear (Knitwear) at the Royal College of Art.

She now works as a freelance knitwear designer, pattern cutter and maker and is most excited about projects that make her ‘think outside the fashion box’. Her aim for the near future is to apply as many traditional skills as possible to her design processes and try to keep the handmade and bespoke alive in the 21st century...more info on Fabienne Gassmann and her exquisitely well made creations coming soon.

F1235

Why did I choose to highlight her fabulous creation? Basically, because it's incredibly relevant to my life right now, especially that second shot of the pelvis. You see, I'm heading to St. Louis, Mo for a consultation with a hip surgeon at Washington University Hospital, specifically The Center for Advanced Medicine. I've been having some big problems with my hips for a while and my orthopedist thinks it'd be a good idea for me to get his opinion on what's going on... which could lead to a pretty major operation. Hopefully it won't end up being the condition it could be, and something can be done for me that won't involve completely deconstructing and rebuilding my pelvis. We'll see... wish me luck!

...See you in St. Louie!

Just Eat It!

2012-01-10T23:42:00.000-08:00

Kwana Writes

FWF... what is FWF, you ask? Why, it's simple. FWF simply stands for "food with faces," and it's popular. Beleive me, it's really popular. I myself own several t-shirts with kawaii food items just living it up. I've even bought some for friends. Who wouldn't enjoy a t-shirt emblazoned with a happy cookie holding hands with a carton of milk? Cookie loves milk you know. One of my personal favorites, the food pyramid, shows a bunch of peppy, athletic foods stacking themselves up like edible cheerleaders. What's not to love?

Nothing. That's what.

But here... here's something different. It's meatloaf, and meatloaf doesn't look too happy. I dare say meatloaf looks downright bereft. It's a solid, scientifically proven* fact that meatloaf is known to suffer from social anxiety and drepression more than any other loaf based food. Some might argue that this is actually a sadsack Salisbury Steak, but no, there's no savory gravy there, there's no saucy accent. No, there's just sadness.

Daily Pics
Unlike meatloaf, the pickle pals here, seem perfectly content to spend their lives cooped up in a jar. Either that, or they're all high off the brine.

Just Eat

This is without a doubt, the world's most contented burger.

Just Eat

Of course, like meatloaf, there are other foods out there that might benefit from a dose of zoloft.
This banana peel just isn't feeling fulfilled anymore. It's like he's missing something, like his reason for being is gone, like he's... he's... nothing more than an empty peel.

Jayne's Kitchen
Bear cupcakes. They're sweet, like "welcome to the diabeetus" sweet. All colors, all flavors, all adorable.

And now, because Weird Al is never wrong, and because it's relevant and makes me laugh, a little "Eat It."

*98% of all scientific facts that appear on THE UGLY SWEATER are made up on the spot, much like the 100% of the statistics.

Bringin' Sexy Back!

2012-01-01T22:02:00.000-08:00

knitting the moment
Need to bring the sexy back? Want to do in an unconventional and frankly, quite confusing way? Then this little black dress might be one way to do it. Just think of all the attention you'll get from the scores of available men with Ravelry accounts. "Hey baby, that dress... it looks so...so spicy, so sexy, so... in progress." *wink*

1 heck of a guy
If you want to get past "in progress" part of knitting something saucy? Have I got the guide for you. Nikol Lohr has compiled a pattern book full of knitwear to sure to tease and please. Show hubby knitting's not just for woolly sweaters and baby booties. (Though some of these patterns might lead to needing that one!) Who knows, he might be inspired to pick up a pair of needles himself.

1 heck of a guy
Yowza!

daddy likey
Of course, we can't forget party gear... and what better way to party down than with a knitted dress (or crochet?) that doesn't know when to quit?! (Because that hemline makes it clear it shouldn't have been quit quite yet.) You'll look fabulous as long as you choose to remain in only that pose all night. If you move at all in any way, expect to be the best part of someone's "this one time, I was at this party and this girl was wearing this reaaaaaally short dress, and then when she..." story.

Rose Kim Knits
And ladies, don't think that the sexy is all for the fellas' benefit. Oh no. You'll have to have someone hold you back when you see your man decked out in this seductive, Granny Squared Snuggie. How can you resist those bedroom eyes and come that hither smile when it's all waiting for you- wrapped in a handmade, backwards robe with hot, sexy love in every stitch? Sip that tea baby, and I'll see you when I get home.

Animal Oddity!

2011-12-29T19:16:00.000-08:00

pokate

Elaine Bradford

Animals. Animals are pretty cool. It's rare you find someone who just doesn't like them. I mean, yeah, sure, some folks don't like cats or dogs or fish or whatever, but they probably like zebras or lions or pygmy marmosets. But maybe you do know someone who thinks animals are pretty boring or stupid or smell like poo. Well, maybe they just don't think animals are snazzy enough on their own. Maybe they think animals just need a little bit more pizazz, and we all know nothing adds pizazz like a really colorful, stripy sweater... or you know, maybe an extra head and startling lack of a butt. Now THAT'S a lot of pizazz!

pokate

Elaine Bradford

OK, I'll say it. I'm a fan. That's a pretty fancy deer head, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I wouldn't mind owning one. I've got a little wood burning stove that just screams "place whimsical taxidermy beside me!" But, I think I'd like it in a nice white, Irish cable knit.

apartment living

Yes! Just like this... but with antlers!

pokate

Elaine Bradford

I think one thing that would really make animals more spectacular would be if we combined them to make "more different animals." I'm rather fond of this creature... what I've decided to call: "Sniraffe." Maybe you see something different, but I'm pretty certain this little brainchild of Dr. Moreau is what happens when a snake and giraffe fall in love.

design crisis

Annette Messager, who I assume is somehow the love child between Tim Burton and the Janitor from Scrubs has created this lovely tableau of Vlad The Impaler meets The Walking Dead meets Bambi. I don't think I've ever seen anything quite as adorably creepy as that zombiesque squirrel with the knitted bunny head. (By adorable, I mean highly disturbing, sure to give the childrens terrible, terrible nightmares...just like a Tim Burton movie... most of which I adore. Noodle that one.)

flickriver

And finally, a mouse in the sweater. What's not to like about that?

A Warm Fuzzy Feeling...

2011-12-27T23:54:00.000-08:00

craftfu

I don't know a single woman that hasn't at some point said "Cookie Monster has such gorgeous fur...if only there was a way I could have some tight fitting footsie trousers that could make me feel like a fluffy blue Muppet."

craftfu

"And heaven forbid I'm not able to find a matching top!" Thankfully, both are available, and your desire to look like the much beloved, sweets binging monster can be fulfilled. Because there's nothing more awesome than an outfit that adds 20lbs to your calves alone!

dress for life

This is definitely the most tame item on today's menu, but normal it ain't! I think, were I to wear this, I would feel like I was being swallowed by a big, soft esophagus. Either that, or like I was stuck in the middle of the world's largest, coziest wad of gum. Not only that, but the weight of the cowl neck on this thing is probably crushing her vertebrae and sternum simultaneously.

wth did you make

Finally. FINALLY! We have proof that the Abominable Snowman or "Yeti" actually exists! ...And apparently lives in suburbia.

wth did you make

What I like about this is that it's kind of like a big, fuzzy onsie. I bet you could hang out where thewild things are and none of the wild things would be the wiser. However, being as it's still kind of the Christmas season, all my mind can think of is how awesome this would be if you removed the wonky bows and that big collar and made the thing out of green furry yarn... because that'd make one heck of a Grinch suit. Chair of Cheer? You'd ride that thing from here to eternity!

wth did you make

Sweet merciful crap! That's a face full of warm fuzzy right there, and yeah, I'm scared. I'm scared for a lot of reasons. Why...why... would you need this, or want this? I'm afraid the answer probably involves a disclaimer along the lines of "safety word recommended."

soda head

Sometimes, Mother Nature herself likes to get in on the business of fuzzy sweaters, and boy does she do a stellar job! Somewhere, I think Robin Williams is looking at this guy and shaking his head approvingly. Personally, I don't mind a little chest hair, but I don't want my guy to be able to double as a bearskin rug.

And now for something completely different...

A little note about something not so warm and fuzzy... I've added the moderation function to comments... at least for a while. I'm afraid one sour grape is trying to spoil the bunch. You see, I make fun of things on this blog, but it's always with a spirit of lighthearted humor. Sometimes things are meant to be laughed at, and I include myself in that category, as is clearly seen in many of my posts. If you crochet crazy hot pants for men, I include you too... but it's not because you're not talented as all get out. It's because I'm finding a bit of joy in what you're making, and I think it's great that there are people who create such wonderfully wacky items. More power to all of you.

However, if you feel the need to insult this blog or me because you don't like it, then my advice is don't read it. I'm not forcing you too, and honestly, I don't want you to. You're not enjoying it, and that's why I write it... because it's enjoyable to me, and because others seem to find it enjoyable... so go do something you like to do. Life is too short to waste your time commenting on a blog you find so offensive.

Seriously.

Merry Christmas to All!

2011-12-24T22:58:00.000-08:00

strange cosmos
From the most awkward Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer ever...

funny potato

To the oh so familiar floating multicolored Santa heads...

happy snowman
And the disturbingly headless Frosty the Snowman...

I'd like to wish you a beary Merry Christmas...

from my awesomely festive family above...

rev 97.7

coolest family on the block

now public

to yours... whoever you are... and whatever you're wearing.

MERRY CHRISTMAS from THE UGLY SWEATER!

It's A Festivus!

2011-12-22T22:51:00.000-08:00

open salon

...For the rest of us!

And now, the origin of "Festivus."
Frank Costanza: "Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way."

Cosmo Kramer: "What happened to the doll?"

Frank Costanza: "It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born: a Festivus for the rest of us!"

Kramer: "That must have been some kind of doll."

Frank Costanza: "She was."

And that's how we came to know Festivus, the great non-holiday holiday brought to us by the world of Seinfeld. However, did you know that behind the back story of Festivus is the actual back story of Festivus? It's true. Granted, it's no night before Christmas, but eh... Turns out, a producer on Seinfeld has been celebrating Festivus since the 60's thanks to his dad, the real "Father Festivus."

Was it modified for TV? Sure. Am I going to type it all out here? No. Wikipedia can tell you all about it. I'm just going to show you what to wear to it. Festivus is a night of many customs, the first being to assemble the unadorned Festivus pole. (As seen above!) Just because the pole is unadorned doesn't mean you have to be.

all funny stuff
Remember, it's not Christmas or Hanukkah or even Kwanzaa... it's Festivus, so let your choice of attire be festive, but non-specific. Moose do an excellent job of saying "I'm ready for 'holiday'!" And the earmuffs, well, they'll come in handy during the next Festivus tradition, The Airing of Grievances.

etsy
Why not start this discord off right away by wearing this disgruntled feline to the family table. Do you have grievances to air? You bet your bagel you do. During dinner, tell everyone exactly what you don't like about them or about the world or even Festivus, (but who would have anything bad to say about Festivus? I'd like to air grievances against them, I would!) Angry cat will leave everyone else speechless, and leave you free to tell them why they should stay that way.

Mondo: The Blog
Next up on the Festivus schedule are the Feats of Strength. These are no ordinary feats mind you... no, this is for family dominance, where the head of the house has to maintain their reign or suffer a humiliating loss to a lower ranking family member. This sweater, a tribute to the fantastic monsters of Ray Harryhausen, is perfect for the reigning champion or a challenger bent on taking over the easy chair and remote control. It's sure to strike fear into the heart of any opponent as they remember the terror wrought upon Jason and his Argonauts by these claymation skeletons of yesteryear. Finally, the feast is done and Dad or Mom or even Grandpa or Grandma has been defeated or triumphant in the feats. Everyone's grievances have been aired and a general mood of discord fills the air as the unadorned aluminum of the Festivus Pole sparkles in the corner. Now, there's only one thing left to bring Festivus to a close. .

A Festivus Miracle.

A good example of a Festivus Miracle would be the fact that I FINALLY got this post to format correctly. (OY!)

wil wheaton typepad

Photo by Loren... that's right Wil Wheaton; I linked it.

The wonderful thing about Festivus Miracles, is that anything can be one. Cousin Chester remembered, for once, to bring ice to the party? It's a Festivus Miracle! The guy in front of you in the line at the grocery store used to coach your cousin's son's baseball team? It's a Festivus Miracle! You thought you were out of cheese puffs, but lo and behold you found another bag behind the Corn Pops... what is it? You got it: Festivus. Miracle. A Festivus Miracle can happen at any time, leaving you dazzled and bewildered, much like Mr. Wheaton appears to be in the above picture. And why have I chosen him to illustrate this particular part of Festivus? Because let's face it, that sweater is truly miraculous.

HAPPY FESTIVUS!
"FESTIVUS YES! BAGEL NO!"

Swingin' Solstice Singles!

2011-12-21T01:19:00.000-08:00

ugly sweater

The Winter Solstice is upon us, and what better way to celebrate the turning of nature's page than with some seasonal beauties. And speaking of seasonal beauties, let me introduce you to the latest dating site the web has to offer... just in time for a Solstice sweetheart:

♥KNIT TOGETHER♥

This is Melvin P. Garfinkle, age 37. Melvin is looking for a lady that shares his love Star Wars, cultivating fungi, and wearing seasonally appropriate turtlenecks and sweaters. When Melvin isn't busy playing with his Sims, he enjoys conversing with other Linux enthusiasts, adding to his Ewok figurine collection, and posting comments on youtube videos. Melvin's ideal woman is not opposed to Cosplay, must be open to the possibility that hidden magical societies exist (i.e. Harry Potter), and should remind him very strongly of his mother. If you're just the lady Melvin is looking for, email him at: Melvinislarping@garfinkle.com

rick the great

This is Richard Snibbly. Richard is the night manager at Dwight's Office Supply Co. Richard is looking for the love of his life- a lady who appreciates the fine, subtle difference a 25lb bright white paper stock provides over the common 20lb weight. Richard likes to spend his time comparing the ink absorption capabilities of name brand sticky notes versus generic, finding innovative ways to prepare Ramen Noodles, and knitting staple cozies. Are you Richard's special someone? If you are, Richard says you would ideally be between 5'2 and 5'4 and weigh anywhere between 100lbs and 350lbs, liking cats is a plus. Want to spend some time getting to know Richard? Email him at: thesupplyguy@dwightsofficesupply.com

edukatorz

Ladies, meet Chazz Pizzle. Chazz is looking for the perfect way to romance you for the solstice. Chazz considers himself a ladies' man, and says he knows how to treat a woman like a woman. Your date with Chazz will include a greeting with flowers, the finest of carnations, and a box of Palmer's chocolates. You will sup at his favorite hotdog cart, and be treated to a trip to New Jersey to play his brother's kid's Xbox. Chazz says his perfect lady will appreciate the fact that he's not a "9 to 5" kind of man, and understands that when he says he will pay you back... he will... eventually. Chazz likes a lady who takes care of herself, who knows how to dress- "cut low up high and high down low." Big hair and spray tans are more than welcome. Looking to be swept off your feet by Mr. Pizzle? Email him at: chazzlldazzleu@aol.com

Bella Madarino

Gentlemen, don't think you're alone here. Knit Together is full of wonderful women just waiting to meet you... women like Cathy Marie Frankle. Cathy Marie is a cafeteria worker at William Howard Taft Middle School, and she loves her job! Cathy Marie's favorite activity is running the industrial mixer on "Cheesecake Day." When she's not working hard, Cathy Marie spends her time volunteering at the library, raising exotic, long-haired gerbils, and growing her own parsley. She also has a passion for making her own holiday sweaters. Her favorite holidays are Christmas, Flag Day, and Arbor Day, and Cathy Marie has a sweater for them all! Cathy Marie says her ideal man would share her love of rodents, and ice cream scoop shaped mashed potatoes. Is Cathy Marie your holiday honey? If you think so, email her at: lunchladylover@whtms.edu

lccc golden eagles

Meet one of our success stories: Wendy and Gillman Spazzwackin. Wendy and Gillman met on Knit Together in December of 2009, and had their first date on the 21st of that month. Six months later, Gillman proposed to Wendy at their local goat auction. Wendy and Gillman credit the success of their courtship to their common interests of small, domestic ungulates, finely knit applique sweaters, and collecting unpopular comics. For their anniversary this year, Gillman and Wendy plan to take a romantic vacation with their pet goat "Tribble" to Cawker City, Kansas to see the world's largest ball of twine.

Don't be alone this Solstice, join Knit Together and find the love of your life... TODAY!

Want to win $100 for your ugly sweater? Check out VNSNY's Ugly Sweater Contest!

Oh, and a big holiday welcome to all the new followers! It's great to have you here!

Eight Crazy Nights!

2011-12-15T23:11:00.000-08:00

Tipsy Elves

A mere $64.95!

Now, I'm not Jewish, but I've been told that it's so much funukkah to celebrate Hanukkah! I wish I could be a part of those eight crazy nights! Hanukkah 2011 is quickly approaching, and I'm sure that like your Gentile brothers and sisters, you want to be appropriately attired for your holiday extravaganza! I know I want you to be... and that's why I'll be posting a whole menorah's worth of great festival attire! If the candles don't light up your world, these sweaters will.

Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel, I made you out of clay! ...And I'm sure that's fun and all, but it's hard to compete with what has to be the world's happiest Jewish sweater: twin Dreidels holding the Star of David and dancing the Hora with a Menorah. (That was an amazingly unintentional rhyme.)

wtfhub
My gosh... if you could make those "Coexist" bumper stickers into a sweater, this would be it. Peace signs, Stars, Candles, snowmen, the earth. You've got a little of everything going on here. Granted, the Star of David takes center stage, but even it does double duty by providing us with a festive "season's greetings." The Menorah at the bottom might also be Christmas lights... I just can't tell. I. Just. Can't. Tell.

Peace, Shalom, Stay Cool.

Notice that there's no link here... that's because I found this gem myself, at the local thrift store. It was a brilliant find, and I hope it's purchased by someone who can truly appreciate it, and hopefully wear it to their own Hanukkah celebration. I say they'd definitely win all the gelt!

The Ugly Sweater Shop
Now, blue happens to be my favorite color, and this particular shade of blue is pretty much my favorite, but what's really selling it to me is that virtual belt of Stars of David. That and the fact that it's buttoned all the way up like that. It looks kind of authoritarian... it looks like it means business. That's a sweater that says "Pass the Latkes and pass them NOW!"

prweb
Ok, I posted earlier about the happiest Hanukkah sweater in existence, but I think I've found the happiest Hanukkah celebrants this time. The sweaters are truly awesome, the glasses are hardcore, but man, those Menorah fedoras! (That rhyme might have been slightly more intentional.)

guest of a guest
Happy Hanukkah indeed. There's really something to be said for the three dimensional quality of those Dreidels. Plus, like the most elegant (by which I mean tackiest and most outrageous) of Christmas sweaters this Hanukkah sweater is wired, which means it will light up your night... possibly even eight of them!

guest of a guest
It's like seeing the Jewish version of myself and my fictional boyfriend! (Although, I'm pretty sure I'd be wearing his sweater.)

Bonanza
On Moshe! On Herschal! On Shlomo! It's Hanukkah Harry! If you step into the way back machine and set the dial to the golden days of SNL, you might remember this Yiddish holiday treasure. Hanukkah Harry, played by the always hilarious Jon Lovitz , stepped in to save Christmas when Santa fell ill. The children were delighted to find out that Christmas had been saved and ripped into their presents with glee... and then disappointment as they unwrapped their gifts of socks and underwear (8 pair!)

petsfly
Animals in clothes... every race, creed, and religion thinks it's A-OK... apparently. I still think it's weird, and I still think the animals hate it, but that is one cute besweatered dog, and I just like saying "Hanukkah Pup."

Well, Jewish friends, thanks for joining in with your Gentile bros and sisters and decking out your favorite December holiday in horrendously spectacular fashion. (Literally.) I wish you all a wonderfully Happy Hanukkah and a blessed new year!

Santa Baby...

2011-12-11T20:02:00.000-08:00

Costume Craze

Santa Claus, he's a beloved symbol of the holiday season, a jolly old elf, and a bringer of joy to children all over the world. We all know him by sight and by sound... a resounding "HO, HO, HO," and a lovely costume of red and white. Who wouldn't want their own Santa themed attire?

And why stick to the standards when you can put your own special twist on St. Nick's digs? Like this hat... it's like the conjoined twin of Christmas headgear! Just look at how excited you could be!

Joann

Almost as excited as this lady! She's practically bursting with holiday cheer! I would be too if I had a Santa head scarf like this. If you want one, just check out the linky and fly your sleigh on over to the instructions!

Artist of Fashion

Now, before the modern inception of Santa, brought to us mainly by the cheerful Coke ads of yesteryear, Santa was often pictured wearing a long robe like coat, sure to help keep out the chill of Christmas Eve night as he hopped from rooftop to rooftop. Velvet and fur were commonly depicted materials, but here on the Ugly Sweater, if it's not knit, it does not fit! It's festive, it's warm, it probably took forever to make. I would wear the holly jolly heck out of it!

Wholesale Dress

It's well known that I have a deep and abiding love for Ugly, tacky, and downright unfortunate sweaters, but I won't turn my nose up at a pair of cringeworthy mittens! (And they're new!) I think they go perfectly with the scarf, and the fact that their pink is a real bonus... I mean, with the hat, the scarf, and the coat, you wouldn't want too much red!

Bailey Bark

Speaking of unfortunate sweaters... you're welcome. Yes, it's pretty heinous, and I think Santa might need to visit a doctor about that eye, but to the dude that's wearing it, I salute you. That beer gut really fills out the beard. Again, it's perfectly paired with the rest of our collection.

Cabbages and Kings

Of course, if we've got the hat, the scarf, the mittens, and the sweater, we'll need some pants. Pantsless Santa isn't a miracle on 34th street... just an arrest on 34th street.

Sweet Lady Nana

And finally, we reach the end of our Santa ensemble with... these things! These little sock-bootie thingies will be the perfect finishing touch for our over the top Santa Baby selections.They're actually pretty adorable, if you don't mind he fact that Santa has a badonkadonk the size of the Rockefeller Christmas Tree. Now, if only someone could put all these items together. I'd love to see a picture... which I would post... which would probably make the blog implode.

Santa Baby... slip a sweater under the tree for me... I've been an awful good girl...

Update:

Well, life is still steaming along, and I'm still jobless, but I've got some great freelance, and my house is no longer hemorrhaging water, fridges, circuit breakers, or other costly disasters. However, through all of this yuletide terror, I have been so blessed. My family, friends, church, and even people I don't really know have been so supportive and giving, and have done so much for me during all of this. This Christmas, I have seen more kindness, generosity, and love than I could ever put into words. It has strengthened my faith, humbled me, and shown me the true meaning of Christmas through the Christlike spirit that has been displayed in abundance by so many wonderful people. It makes for a truly Merry Christmas. Thank you to all.

Deck The Halls: Sweater Style!

2011-12-06T18:35:00.000-08:00

Prommafia

"Deck your neck, your feet, your body, Fa la la la laaaaa, la la la la. 'Tis the season to dress oddly. Fa la la la laaaaa, la la la la."

liliputians

"Don we now crazy apparel. Fa la la la la laaaaa, la la la la. Like this gift from Great Aunt Carol. Fa la la la laaaa, la la la la."

Prweb

"See the blazing wool before us. Fa la la la laaaaa, la la la la. Three deer er... 'playing' in the forest. Fa la la la laaaaa, la la la la."

sockdreams

"Stripy socks are such a pleasure, Fa la la la laaaaa, la la la la. They'll be a classic Yuletide treasure. Fa la la la laaaaa, la la la la."

Craftzine
"Strangers stare at as your bike passes. Fa la la la laaaaa, la la la la. You'll turn the heads of lads and lasses. Fa la la la laaaaa, la la la la."

through the loops

Now let's wear it all together. Fa la la la laaaaa, la la la la. You'll withstand any winter weather. Fa la la la laaaaa, la la la laaaaaaaa!"

Meanwhile, in real life land:
I'm still jobless, but I've got a couple of freelance projects that will hopefully be helpful. I have a "new" fridge, so that's awesome, and I'll be getting the ultra expensive COBRA insurance... which, while financially draining, is necessary. Oh, and my basement flooded with a foot of water thanks to a busted washer hose. Yay!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Let's Mention Unmentionables. Possibly NSFW

2011-11-25T09:00:00.000-08:00

crafty crafty

This pattern by Joan McGowan-Michael, featured on knitty.com, includes a thong (eek!) and a suspender belt made from wool.WOOL. A thong people. It's a thong made from wool. Now, last time I checked, wool had the tendency to be kind of scratchy, and not the most comfortable fabric for riding between the cheeks... like there's a comfortable fabric for that. I can't really imagine a scenario where a young woman thinks to herself, "what I'd really like is a corset, crochet in cotton candy colors, with stockings! Now I know what to tell Grandma I want for Christmas!"

Etsy

Rather not go with the whole corset and stockings look? That's cool. You can get your woolen thong in panty format. Plus, it's got a boat on it... and if that's not sexy, I don't know what is. I especially like how there's a lot of extra material in the crotchular area, around the legs. 'Cause everybody likes bunching!

Etsy

No bunching here of course, just a smooth, inch wide strip of knitting destined to make your worst underwear related nightmares come to life.

OK, fair warning... from this point forward, we're off the map. Here, there be monsters.
*
*
*

Etsy

Speaking of monsters... these are from the Etsy seller "Warm Presents" and will set you back $80. Yes, you read that correctly. You'll need to provide your size... though what is meant by that... well, I'll let you noodle that one yourselves. Oh, and you'll find these under the heading "Sexy Shorts." Granted, they're unique, and no one else will probably show up with them at the family gift exchange, but when grandma said "white elephant gift," you should know that's usually not meant literally.

Expedition America

And here is the best of the worst... or the worst of the best... or the most... disturbing. Got a man with a need for warmth in ... er... ah... well. Hmmm. Remember that little penguin cartoon from a long time ago... Chilly Willy? Yeah, that. Anyway, this is a great gift for any male mountain climber, freezer repair man, or Bering sea fisherman.

Expedition America

And from the advertisement itself: "Don't let 'him' freeze! A warm mitten for your boyfriend.

One size fits all. Not to be used as a condom." Thanks. Anyone that might think it should be used as one shouldn't be reproducing anyway.

The end... thank goodness.

Oh, and fyi, I'm going to try to keep posting, but well, things are a bit up in the air right now. I lost my job last Thursday, and I don't have internet access very often right now thanks to a busted connection at home. My fridge also died, and I'm trying to figure out some pretty significant health stuff... without insurance now.. Suffice to say, my plate is pretty full at the moment.

Cor Blimey Crochet!

2011-11-17T11:35:00.000-08:00

That is a giant ball of yarn, 'normous' yarn as the artist calls it.

And she's using it to crochet a piece for a gallery show.

The inside of which looks like a cozy cave of Styrofoam packing peanuts.

I won't lie. At first, I thought it was a giant crocheted tampon, but as it turns out, I was quite wrong. It's actually a large, crocheted bacteria.

Rockpool Candy

...And also a cozy cave.

Cor Blimey Crochet! by UK artist, Inga Hamilton. Her crochet is off the hook... quite literally, as she uses her arms to crochet this giant white bacteria. It's what I'd call a true viral video. (Yes, yes, I know the difference, but how could I pass that up?)

And while we're at it, let's look at a few other little creations that are so cute they make me sick!
(Comedy, it's all the timing.)

improbable
Whoever knew Gangrene was so cheerful?

flickr
Well, probably these guys. They look pretty peppy too.

All Spun Out
And while I don't see an expression of contentment or glee here, that is one finely crafted bacteriophage. Thanks for that, Susan Burkhart!

Movember and No Shave November

2011-11-14T11:46:00.000-08:00

Man Made

Movember and No Shave November... what exactly are they? What do they mean? Is this why all the men in my life are covered in hair right now and why Aunt Suzan's legs look like Sasquatch's? The answer is yes. Though different, both "holidays" are related. Both Movember and N.S.N hope to raise support and awareness for the various health issues that men face, particularly prostate cancer and other male cancers. The lady folks can show solidarity by tossing the razor and letting the legs and pits go au natural.

But what do you do if you aren't naturally endowed with a beard that makes men want to be you and women want to be with you? How can you show your support without letting your pits look like you've got Buckwheat in a headlock, or having legs that do an uncanny imitation of fur covered trousers? First of all, you can donate to cancer research, secondly, you can grab one of these awesome crochet beardfaces! (A perfect companion to the Crostache from a few posts ago.)

Taraduff of Etsy brings you the best in crochet apparel for the facial region.

Man Made

These beardfaces come with the added bonus of a toboggan or beanie or hat or whatever your region/country calls it. Perfect for the chilly month of November... at least for us folks in the Northern Hemisphere. But what if you want a little more style than the classic hat and beard combo? Well...

Barefoot Boo

Try the Eric The Red model! You can show support for finding a cure, and plunder and pillage with the best of the viking hordes.

Susanna Rose

"But what about the babies?" You might ask. No worries! Beardfaces come in sizes for the tiniest cancer conquerors. Jr. can show his support for Dad, Uncle, Grandpa or any loved one battling this disease. Who wouldn't feel encouraged seeing this toddle into a room?

Motley Stew

Er... I don't think this one's as encouraging.

Straight Twisted

Moving on, moving on... mythical heroes want in on Movember as well, and why not? Epic beard time is all over the silver screen. Would Gimli the Dwarf support finding a cure? You know he would. He might even team up with an elf to do so.

Heinous Hats

Even pirates won't aaaaargue that supporting cancer research is a worthy cause. Have you ever seen a clean shaven pirate? Me either! I'm sure even Jack Sparrow himself would give up a coin or two to help find a cure. Granted, any pirate doubloons donated will probably have been looted from some other worthy cause, but beggaaaaars can't be choosers. (This is the time where I desperately resist making a joke about getting checked for prostate cancer and incorporating "booty" and/or "poop deck." Aye, I be the age a' 12 in perpetuity.)

Red Heart

And what do you do after Movember/N.S.N have passed, well, you can follow ol' St. Nick's philosophy and carry your beardface on over to "Don't Shave December." Want your own No Shave Nick? Click for the linkage for the pattern.

Happy Movember!

(Oh, and pointless FYI... the ad for Hotel Max in Seattle... anyone looking to stay there, let me just say that place is wicked cool.)

Veteran's Day

2011-11-11T14:10:00.000-08:00

Windsor Locks Library

11/11/11 is Veteran's Day here in The States. If you're unfamiliar with the holiday, it's a day where we honor and thank those brave men and women in our military who have faithfully served the country. (Other parts of the world recognize it as Armistice Day or Remembrance Day.)

And what sweeter way to say thank you to a vet than with an afghan for Afghanistan. Louise Shewokis knit this patriotic afghan for her nephew-in-law Timothy Shea, who had served tours in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Korea.

Needle Exchange

THIS is how 'Mericans get the knittin' done! YEAH! Dave Cole, an American artist created this large scale knitting project using 20ft knitting needles and industrial machinery to create this monumental flag.

( Acrylic felt with excavators and aluminum utility poles. Completed flag is approximately 30 x 20 x 1 feet as installed at MASS MoCA, North Adams, MA)

Now that's knitting with more power, and a flag sure to inspire!

I know this is a short post, and it's because I've got a lot going on today, but I wanted to show a little patriotism, and say thanks to all the brave men and women who have so faithfully served our country in all branches of the military. May we treat you with the same respect and admiration everyday that we do on this day. THANK YOU, and HAPPY VETERAN'S DAY!

Gobble Them Up!

2011-11-08T14:17:00.000-08:00

Craft Gossip

You're getting a post about turkeys today. Yes, it is because it's the Thanksgiving season here in the states. It's also because I'm starving, and I can smell the food that someone is heating up down the hall. I kept trying to think "ugly sweaters," "pilgrim dog costumes" or "disturbingly short manpants," but all I could muster was "Thanksgiving dinner...mmmmwaaaa..." (just imagine Homer Simpson there.) So here you go. Turkeys. Delicious, delicious turkeys. Although, I think the birds on this page might prove to be a little dry and stringy.

A knitting turkey... there are things in this world you never think you'll find, and yet, there they are.

Noe Knit Blog

A feast sure to disappoint! Oh, don't get me wrong, it's nicely done, but stuffing made from cotton batting just pales in comparison to that made of cornbread.

Little Cakes

This is... kind of bothersome. It's like a butcher's window, but not... because butcher shops don't really have that slight serial killer vibe that I'm picking up here. Also, "the table is set in due time," seems kind of creepy. You know, kind of "it puts the lotion on its skin..." I mean, sure, fake raw poultry hanging from the ceiling doesn't necessarily mean that you're crafting a rage filled manifesto against the poultry industry or plotting the downfall of Butterball, but I'm guessing that if this is everyday decor, the neighbors will get their say on the nightly news eventually.

"He always kept to himself."

"He was a pretty quiet guy... kind of a loner."

"Say they found fifty turkeys stuffed in his freezer, boxes of dressing strewn all over the place, gravy in the bathtub. Was screaming like a loon when they brought him out 'Save the neck for me, Clark! Save the neck for me'! Yep, you never think it'll happen in your town."

Habertrot

"Ma, I think the bird's gone bad. Unless of course you picked up a peacock this year instead of the usual fare."

Kathleen Taylor's Dakota Dreams

Chicken fingers, meet turkey fingers.

flickr

The pigs don't stand a chance! Seriously, Angry Birds anyone? I'd love to see what a powerhouse this little butterball might be. I like to think his special ability might be something like dropping dressing bombs or like leftovers, he shows up again after you've run out of birds to take care of that one stupid pig that just. keeps. mocking. you.

Kathleen Taylor's Dakota Dreams

We've seen this lady before, and wow... she's kicked it up a notch. I believe her platter is the offering I featured last Thanksgiving. Sadly, I'm too lazy to click the link and make sure. In any case, it's a new shot, and one of these is new, and yeah, there still just as weird. I will say that I bet she's warm.

kaboodle

And here's Jr. He's obviously not as excited about his themed headgear as mom is. Of course, the daily swirly at school has a tendency to curb his enthusiasm.

"Save the neck for me, Clark."

Skein Deep

2011-11-07T14:10:00.000-08:00

Tattoo Now

How do you know when you've crossed the line from casual hobbyist to hardcore knittermeister? You start playing with a different kind of needle. That's right, the ultimate mark of a true threadhead runs skin deep. Literally. Now, people get tattoos for a multitude of reasons, but it's usually to commemorate something you love, and some people love knitting... a lot.

Baby Goth Knits

And hardcore they are. We aren't talking sweet little kitties tangled in string. No, we're talking about fierce mantras emblazoned forever, unapologetically proclaiming statements such as "Knit until Death" "Knit Happens," and "Knit fast, Die Warm." The motifs too, throw aside the notions of sweet, grey haired grannies and cat hording spinsters. This crowd appreciates a beautifully designed Mexican sugar skull stabbed through the yarn brain with a wicked pair of scissors.

Sugar Skull knitting tattoo, designed and tattooed by Traci Wilson of Enchanted Arts in Guisborough, Cleveland. Done May 2009.

Flint Knits

This tatted up crafter shows a bit of local love. This mitten between Pam's shoulder blades harkens back to her hometown, Flint Michigan, where folks have a tradition of getting Flint related tats. The little heart near the thumb, that's the location of Flint on the Michigan map. Notice, like anything I'm sure Pam makes, even the tat (done by friend Ryan,) has excellent stitching!

katflap

If you're havin' purl problems, I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems, but a stitch ain't one.

Freak Knitter

Sure does. Keep on stitchin'!

Make and Do with Perri

And leave a good looking corpse... wrapped in an heirloom quality blanket you knit yourself.

Sereknitty & Purls

Here's a really gorgeous, artistic piece. Look at the detail in the yarn making up the skull! It's really done wonderfully, and the consistency in the lines is astounding! Also, how beautiful are those sacred heart needles? The color combo makes me think of a garden.

craftster

I can dig it. "Crafty"? You bet your buttons it is. Great colors, slick skills with the lines, and an expertly executed metallic sheen on the scissors and hook. I like that there's obviously some crocheting going on here, but just the statement "crafty" makes it extra cool. It's just a general "yeah, I'm awesome at making stuff. I know it," kind of tag.

Tattoo Donkey

Here's a spectacular crochet circle. I love the variegated shades of green, especially that bright acid color! It seems almost Celt like, intricately knotted as it is.

Rate My Ink

This is wicked cool, and that purple is to die for! I want some yarn that color. I hope it's not a skin exclusive. Seriously, how fine and delicate is that shading, not to mention that line work. The shape, the colors, the lines... it's perfection.

It takes a lot of chuztpah to commit to a tattoo, even more for a large one, more still for a chest piece, and if you're a lady well, you've got some real cajones. This is a pretty spectacular piece. The old time sewing machine is amazing and the detail in all of the accoutrements are beastly. The shine on that thread, niiiiiice. I'm cringing a little though, I imagine that really, really hurt going across the collar bone!

Mr.X Stitch

How about a little cross stitching as well? You can't deny that's a pretty B.A. rose. It's really skillfully done. Sure, it could be a pixel rose, but hey, cross stitching is the original pixelation.

Craftster

And finally, because I've forced, FORCED myself to stop posting pics, we've got this whimsical tat. Craftster user kellyhelene chose a classic icon for all things handmade. If you don't own one of these little tomatoes, you can bet your mom or grandmother did.

There are a lot more really awesome knitting/crocheting/crafting tats out there, this barely scratches the surface. Pun intended? You know it.

A PERSONAL TRIUMPH!!!

2011-11-03T12:25:00.000-07:00

For years, I've wanted to know how to knit. I've asked relatives to show me. I've tried winging it. I've bought instructional books, which left me frustrated and confused because of pictures and explanations like this:

Yarn and Stitchery Alcove

You might as well be showing me how to build a dinosaur from scratch. Yeah, exactly.

The Bee Lady from Hill Top Town

Well, today, after years of attempting to learn to knit and getting results like this...

My Tutor List

and this...

Flickr

and sometimes this...

Lost and Found A Continuous Journey

and suffering in frustration like this, I was on the verge of pronouncing it witchcraft and throwing my needles out the window... when all of a sudden, something happened. I got past row one... and then, row two... and then...

FINALLY!

I know it's not much, just a little thin strip of knitting, but I feel like I've just climbed my personal crafting Everest. Not to toot my own horn, but usually, various arts and crafts come easily to me. However, knitting has always been an insurmountable task! I'm so excited to start making some stuff. I've still got tons to figure out, and I'm totally afraid of purling and joining stuff together, and all that, but I'll dream big. Really big. Maybe for my next project, I'll attempt this...

Haute and The City

Because a scarf can never be too ginormous, right?

To what do I owe my success? Well, I think I have to give credit where it's due, and thanks to this video from Threadbanger, this is no longer impossible for me:

Homemade scarf, you WILL be mine!

The Crostache. A Mustache For The Rest of Us.

2011-11-02T13:32:00.000-07:00

easymakesmehappy

The mustache, it's the facial accessory of champions. It's bold, it's in your face. It's in their face... while being on your face. Want that big promotion, grow a 'stache. Want a date with your favorite lady? Don't go at her with a naked upper lip. Tired of being treated like a child? Then stop looking like one. Man up with a Fu Man Chu.

genuinemudpie

Ladies, don't think this advice applies only to the dudes. A femstache can be just as intimidating... probably more so given the rarity. A girl with a thick, manly mustache is sure to be in command of any room she enters.

etsy

But really, the coup de grâce is the babystache. Resistance is futile.

andreaarbuckle

But how, you ask, does one not naturally endowed with enough testosterone to grow such a magnificent dust brush obtain one? Never fear! Plushstache is here for the rest of us! But don't think you have to go all fancy pants and buy the name brand. Oh no, you can crochet up one yourself! Put it on a stick and hold it up like fancy pair of opera glasses (because we ALL use those!) or attach some elastic to each side, slip it over your head, and voila! Or, of course, you can just slap some double sided tape on there and work it. There might be a pattern in one of the links I've provided. I honestly don't know. I don't think I've slept since mid October. I'm started a good strong sugar buzz in prep for Halloween at that point, and it's still raging.

paisleyjade
Oh, and let's not stop at human faces to unleash the power of the mighty handlebar. Bestache your phone with a great crochet case!

thisnext

Or, bestache your baby's booties! Anyone can bestache a pacy, but the boots, that's good parenting right there.

savvyhousekeeping

Here's another way to wear a mustache. Show it off on your sweater. What a perfect combination! It's like your own wearable Snydely Whiplash! Of course, there are other ways to sport your stache... just as there is more than one kind of mustache...

knotworkshop

Such as the Porn Stache. Even those of us that shy away from this particular brand of facial accoutrement know this look well. It's a bit of a cultural icon, and this mug has it nailed. Ron Jeremy would be so proud.

swissmiss

Wife of brian on Etsy does a complete 180 from the Porn Stache and brings us what I like to think of as "The Paul Bunyan," a GIANT crostache that would make any giant lumberjack weep with joy. Don't have any skills when it comes to the fabric arts, well, here's a quick and easy way to 'stache it up...

Here I am on Halloween sporting my own 'stache on a stick. It's made from felt, which is of course, a lovely fiber material to work with. Just cut out the shape of mustache you want, (fold the felt in half so you get two the same shape... glue them together for strength), hot glue or tape it to the stick, and bam, instant disguise! My friend Cindy made these... she even brought enough for the whole class! Rainbow Brite likes.

oddee
Mr. Mustache McBeardface approves this post.

Sweater Cats: Tails of Cruel and Unusal Punishment.

2011-11-01T06:42:00.000-07:00

Do your cats like wearing sweaters? I'm thinking no. Do your cats want to claw your face off for doing this to them? I'm thinking yes. I'm not even have to write anything for this post. I'm going to let the actual photo captions do the talking...

Topper

Topper is a Giant's Fan

Hope these find you in good spirits and the kitties remember who buys the food. We are a bit conflicted here, some of us are happy Barry won't be playing with the San Francisco Giants next year, and some of us took it really hard... after Topper decided that he couldn't be more upset, he yakked on the fabulous Bernhardt sofa, and why not, its soft and comfortable, and then I had to put him in his team colors. My cat loves to watch baseball on the sofa with my husband... and this year won't be
as exciting as last for us Giants fans. But then I promised kitty treats so I could get him to sort of pose...

And then, really, it was all over... this is his mad face, just before he attacks an ankle... I tried to get his pointy's hanging out, but no luck with that picture, I was laughing too hard.
- - -
Cynthia in California

Stewart William
Happy in purple fun fur....

Greetings fellow cat lovers!

I'd like to introduce Stewart William...! I originally knit the sweater for Sugarplum{ the wiener dog} when she was recovering from back surgery. They shaved her whole back and it gets very cold in long, Cleveland winters.

...Stewart{ the cat} has also been recently shaved, due to not being able to reach certain ares while grooming himself. He is no ordinary 25.12 pounds of love. He spends most of his time caught in a love triangle between Zorba and Phyllis. I personally believe he prefers Zorba.They have always had a "special" bond. Stewart would be a great spokescat for plus size felines everywhere! We are rooting for are big guy to win! - - -
Thank you, Laura in Ohio

Cat

Cat needed a versatile sweater that could take her from her daytime napping duties into her more glamorous evening activities such as... ummm... napping. A small addition of marabou to the cuff and collar of this classic sweater gave her just the right look for all the upcoming holiday parties. And the yarn has just the right amount of sparkle to catch the eye of that Tom who's been coming around lately.

The first few pics are of the sweater without the trim, the last 4 are with the trim. If you only have time to check out a couple of them, please make it the third and last ones. Sorry to send so many pictures, but Cat insisted. Some, she thought, didn't show her off to her best advantage. I didn't have the heart to tell her it was about the sweater, not her.
- - -
Eve in Texas

Spook

I also have plans to make some kind of cat like creature that can wear the hoodie, but I didn't have time to do it before entries closed, so in the photo it is being modelled by "Mungo" - a cat like creature I made, out of fabric, a few years ago. I found the perfect way to actually get a cat INTO a hoodie/etc - get your teenage daughter to do it! ... so yes - I actually got the cat IN the sweater!
- - -
Andrea in Canberra, Australia

Rowan

Ok, so you have no idea how clawed up and bitten I am from snapping this picture! It's a cat sweater (ok, maybe it would fit a bob cat) and there's my cat, Rowan!

- - -
Timiae in Georgia

Duncan

...My cat Duncan wearing his "sweater". I believe in the first picture, he is saying "I thought you loved me??" and in the second picture, he is silently plotting my death. Probably because our other boy cat was running around me as I took the pictures meowing ("Haha! Lookit you! Look what Mom is making you wear! You suck!"). Also, I think it's less of a sweater and more of a tube top... or perhaps a skirt? I'm sure that added to poor Duncan's embarassment. I wanted to do SOMETHING with my ridiculous size 50 needles!

- - -

Lulu in Brooklyn, NY

Mittens

This is our 12 yr old cat Mittens wearing a sweater I knit for a friend's dog. Mittens is very tolerant of being dressed up. He is a fashionista!
- - -
Isobel in Virginia

Luna

I've enclosed two photos of my 6-month-old kitten, Luna in a sweater I made for her for Halloween. I had intended to make a matching sweater for her sister, Viva, that said 'Halloween' so that they could be the matchy-matchy adorable twins that they are, but alas have since found that because of the sleeves, neither one of them can do much more than fall over in them and have had to switch tactics. I've since made a lavender and white sleeveless sweater for her which she wears for hours at a time, only to pull off sometime around dinner and proceed to rip at with her teeth. I get the feeling she's not such a fan of it.
- - -
Mallory in Illinois

Mr.Stubbins

ok, so it's not a sweater but it is made of wool and it is on a cat and I did risk life and limb to get it there. Plus Mr. Stubbins is just cute as hell.

I added Hamlets picture because he is cute as hell too. Not a sweater, a cat or involving any wool but how often do you get to see such a ferocious daisy?
- - -
Lenora in NY

Lisa

A few months ago if someone told me that I would get a sweater onto a cat or that I would knit one for that matter, I would have died laughing. I just learned how to knit and I have scars from my past relationships with my feline friends. Well, after much cajoling and threats to burn my "stash" I started my first tank (almost a sweater). As you can see in the picture, I am almost finished. I have to sew in the ends that my Kitty loves to play with. 11 balls of yarn, rewound 100 times after Kitty found where I hid my project bag. She swears that if she had opposible thumbs she would have wound them back up after she was done playing. Well, being camera shy, she refused to pose for the picture but she offered to take my picture for the contest. Isn't she sweet? She also threw in that the tank would never fit her and something about a "swatch" which got passed me.
- - -
Lisa in New Jersey

Everything is from this photostream on Flick. I literally had to walk away from the computer to stop from posting more. The captions alone were killing me, not to mention the completely disgruntled felines these sweaters had been foisted upon! Click the linky, go, laugh, shake your head in dismay, and know that cats are vengeful animals. Cheers!

A Ghost of A Chance.

2011-10-31T08:04:00.000-07:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Lizville

Ghosts. They're kind of a Halloween staple, like pumpkins and costumes and vicious, candy-induced hangovers. And what better ghost to get us started than Jack Skellington's faithful companion Zero. He's like a warm, spectral dog blanket just waiting to wrap you in cold, ectoplasmic love. And thanks to Liz, he can be yours. Click the linky for the pattern.

coolkidscraftideas

I think I might have made one of these when I was little. I definitely remember dunking some yarn in glue and wrapping it around a balloon. Who knows what I was actually doing though. I will say that this is one of those "do outside or cover everything in plastic or newspaper" crafts. Kids+starch/glue = sticky disaster. Again, as always, follow zee linkage for instructions.

kawaiicrochet

If you've ever picked up a Nintendo controller, you should recognize this guy. No, not the besuited dude, the boo on top of his head! Getting past those spooks could be a challenge on occasion, but really, it was their bro, big boo that you had to worry about. Hopefully, if you've got this hat, you run really fast at your friends when they've got their backs turned. Just be sure to stop immediately if they turn back around. Accuracy when wearing a LARPable hat is a must!

owenpremore
Well, here's this. The caption said it was: (“Ghost from ‘s-Hertogenbosch 1”) which as it turns out, is a train station in The Netherlands. Now, Wikipedia told me that much, but it didn't tell me why this ghost was named after it. I figure if there was an Einstein headed chicken ghost haunting platform 1, it might have had a special mention. Alas, no. So, I put on my sleuthing hat and tried to find out what the deal was. After further research (five minutes worth of google before getting distracted by Pinterest) the trail went cold. We'll probably never know.

Needlepoint
This is a Ghost Pirate by Shelly Tribbey. I always expect a story to go along with a project like this. I suppose Etsy, Regretsy, and Pinterest have spoiled me, but telling me it's "Size: 3.5" x 5" with a Mesh Count: 18" doesn't really do much to inspire me. Want it? It'll set you back $41.00, and that's pretty scary.

I hope everyone has a Spooktacular Halloween, and welcome to all the new followers! I'm glad you've joined us!

Good Old Fashioned Ugly Sweaters. The Halloween Edition.

2011-10-28T12:47:00.000-07:00

1datingsites

Let's get back to the basics. Sweaters. Ugly ones. Like this one. This is from a dating site, from a section called "what not to wear on the first date." Yeah, that's good advice, better advice: Never wear this on any date. Ever. Never ever, ever, ever. And while we're at it, stop making that face... and don't pose like that. And... I'm just gonna move along...

buyuglysweaters

Hmmm... gotta love that slightly dingy look of the white background, it really gives an authentic feeling to the abandoned, old ghost house on the front. Before it was "rescued" and set up to be sold on the interwebz, it was probably languishing away on a thrift store hanger, just waiting for that one precious Lee-Press-On-Nail bedazzled hand that would pluck it from obscurity and give it a new life of attending PTA meetings, Bunko nights, and rummage sales to its heart's content.

uglysweaters

This sweater. I just know it's got some name like "A Beary Happy Halloween!" or something else equally cringe inducing. I can tell by looking at it that this is one of those "tapestry" style sweaters that aren't soft, weigh roughly 10-15lbs, and are as thick as a down comforter... and yet, the wind cuts through them like a bullet through a Kleenex.

ugly-crap

Yowza! That is one busy knit. It's got all the elements of Halloween in one convenient cardigan. Bats, candy corn, spiderwebs, (nice prison placement) ghosts, Jack-o-Lanterns, Green... monster... teeth?, and of course, black cats. It's festive, it's frightful, it goes great with mom jeans!

ebay

You can purchase this top quality "pre-owned" sweater for only $50.00 Unlike the previous offering of over the top holiday havoc, this piece settles for a single subject, the oft maligned black cat. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to their cajoling, and there's nothing else that even hints at Halloween, but what else do you need really? Pumpkins? Passe. Witches? Too cliche. Spiderwebs? How gauche can you be? Instead, off that nonsense, we have simplicity and grace. All placed on a stark white background, alien eyed felines with gold braiding running along their undersides and "heavy beading" make for the perfect Halloween ensemble. Who needs themes and reference? Not you.

ihateeverything

Even high fashion wears ugly sweaters. Actually, most high fashion just involves ugly. I want to talk about the sweater, but I keep being distracted by the Cruella de Vils strutting it behind Captain Jawline. He is wearing a skirt, right? I'm just making sure. With the stark, puritanical coloring of his outfit, his austere expression, and obvious love of the dark arts, he's kind of like a blond, transgendered Wednesday Addams. Oh, and that sweater is terrible.

And Now Things Get Weird...

2011-10-27T10:09:00.000-07:00

today'streasuresshop

OK, so this post isn't really Halloween related, but when I ran across this vintage pattern for this lady and her dog in matching, crochet outfits, I couldn't say no. I. Just. Couldn't. Say. No. So, you'll have to forgive the lack of pumpkins or spiderwebs or other haunted material, but really, admit it, this is pretty scary. Just look at her eyes. That smile, it just doesn't reach them. She knows we're laughing, laughing at her, at her dog, at Ripples patterns... and she doesn't like it, not one bit...

"I dare you to judge me you uncultured plebeian! You might be happy with life of Nascar t-shirts and acid-washed denims, but not me! No, not me. I'm classy! Just look at me, at my pearls and my flippy hair, and my sweet widdle Filbert. My Filbert loves his mother and his matching sweater. And his mummy wuvs him! So you just go, you take your Frito eating arrogance, and GO!"

ifitshipitshere

This is not normal. If dogs were meant to be slung over a shoulder, God would have made them with handles and a zipper compartment. Instead, he made them with legs, four of them, two more than you have, dog holder. It's pretty obvious they were made for walking. Also, isn't that kind of a large dog to be haulin' around? I mean, I know Paris Hilton carries her pooch in a purse, but it's roughly the size of an underfed sewer rat. This guy, he's got to be a good 15lbs. Do yourself and the dignity of your pet a favor and put the dog on the ground.

flickr

Unfortunately, this picture does not contain a dog in crochet. What it does contain is a big bag of WTF. I have no idea what's happening here. I probably don't want to. I'm hoping this is for some kind of stage production. I say that because of the white tape arrow on the ground and the fact that they're in some kind of hall with those auditorium style double doors. Still, what in name of sweet baby Jane are they performing that requires that outfit? Also, why is Sacha Baron Cohen making faces through that guy's legs in the first picture?

Playinhookydesigns

This guy is like the ying to the other guy's yang. "I see your barely there body suit and raise you an entire Alpaca's worth of crochet!" Or whatever. What exactly is this? It's like every left sock in the world that's ever been lost in the dryer suddenly reappeared and came together to form this... thing... and now, it's slowly absorbing this poor human man, and somewhere along the lines, it looks like maybe an octopus got involved. Oh well, at least guy sure seems happy about it.

Again, no dog, but it is an animal of sorts. It's a knitted rabbit. It's kind of odd, sure, but it's probably been tossed around by a dog a few times, right? What's so weird about that? Well...

lagomorphlife

The thing is, it's kind of a gigantic knit rabbit, and I doubt Clifford's been by to play. Those things on its belly, those are people. People. Created in 2005 by a Viennese art group called Gelatin, it is 200 feet long and it can be found on Colletto Fava mountain in northern Italy. It took five years to knit. Yeah, five years, and it's supposed to stay where it is for the next 20. It's big, it's pink, it doesn't seem to be powered by Energizer, and it's weird.

CrazyAuntPurl

And finally, because I feel like I owed ya. Here's something Halloween related that falls into the category of both weird and crochet/knit. I give you Ellen, a crochet and knit UFO (Unfinished Object and also, UFO...) along with Natalie, a Crochetlien, attendees of the annual Stitch 'n Bitch Halloween party way back in 2007. Keep on workin' it ladies Halloween 2011 is coming on quick.

Walking Into Spiderwebs.

2011-10-26T14:10:00.000-07:00

Neatorama

Webs. They're creepy. They're cool and beautiful. They're made by nature's most talented textile workers, spiders. People generally like webs, the way they shimmer in the sun, how lovely they seem when covered with dew, the spooky atmosphere they give any Halloween party. On the whole, they're pretty cool, except when you run into one that you didn't know was there and you looking like you're having a seizure, swinging your arms around, screaming, trying to make sure the spider you know is now in your hair gets off of you. They're not generally appreciated at that point.

Sometimes, people try their hands at making webs too, and while it's not comparable to Charlotte's work, the lace web, Auntie Peggy Has Departed, by Shane Waltener is a pretty nice offering. Plus there's the added bonus that if you walk into it, you don't have eight legs of terror running down your back.

Shane Waltener

Chihuly Doily

Two large webs, knitted in elastic thread, were installed in front of the Dale Chihuly chandelier in the grand dome of the museum, for the late night event ‘Craft Rocks’, held at the museum on March 26th. 4000 visitors thus came across the glass structure through this added layer of ‘baroque fanciness’, prompting them to rethink the old minimalist dictum ‘less is more’, while hopefully also appreciating the irony of seeing giant cobwebs installed amongst antique displays at the museum.

A musty old collection covered in cobwebs? Ironic for sure! Except that Dale Chihuly's amazing glass work really isn't musty, it's just weird, organic gorgeousness spiraling from the ceiling. I think the addition of the web is wickedly lovely, and adds a fantastically Gothic feel to the place. I'd love to see it with all the lights turned off but for the one shining through the sculpture. What a spookily beautiful atmosphere that would create!

More wonderful, winding webs, making their way open spaces and vaulted ceilings. I love the sharp, jagged angles, the wide holes, and the eerie architecture created by the lines. Old Shelob would be proud!

alovelything

And here's one sized for Aragog, which apparently takes a lift to create. I wonder what the gauge of the hook is for that? I do believe this would fall right in line with Ron Weasley's worst nightmare.

homeofthestitchingnut

Want some cool webby gauntlets? Me too. Make them for me? :) Rhonda the stitching nut crafted up this pair thanks to a pattern based off of one by Irina Novikova, a free download on Ravelry. She used Fiber Fantasy Knitting Products Nightlights which means this suckers glow in the dark!

karensvariety

At first, this seems like it might be a set up for a birthday... festive flowers, flaming cake, decorative table cloth...all signs point to yes, but take another look. First of all, the flowers... lilies. Lilies symbolize many things... purity, marriage, innocence, femininity, DEATH. Yes, death. Secondly, everything's in black and white, and we all know that elevates the creep factor significantly. Thirdly, that table cloth. No, they're not snowflakes or flowers, those are spiderwebs. No doubt. I don't think this would be out of place at an Addam's Family function or Nearly Headless Nick's death day party! That being said, I kind of want that table cloth... and some cake.

Skull and Bones

2011-10-25T14:30:00.000-07:00

ben cuevas
Transcending the Material”, a mixed media piece that I [Ben Cuevas] created and installed while in residence at the Wassaic Project (an arts collective and residency program located in New York state). The piece was exhibited at the Wassaic Project Summer Music and Arts Festival.

"Ben conceives of the piece as a reference to material culture and Wassaic’s local history (The Borden Company had a condensed milk factory in Wassaic) and a meditation on transcendence.” -Bora Mici

That's cool.

Skeletons. We've all got one. They're made out of bones... usually. Sometimes though, they're made out of yarn, and sometimes, just sometimes, they sit in the Lotus position atop cans of evaporated milk, but not usually. Usually, they just keep us from being gelatinous meat piles. As a work of art, this is oddly serene, beautiful, and yet, still disquieting. As a framework for muscles and protector of organs... not so much. Yarn based skeletal systems, while warm and cozy in the winter, won't do much as far as keeping you upright or saving your heart and lungs from a fatal Nerf® dart to the chest.

crafting chaos
Pearl, the skeleton, is knitting a DNA scarf. The scarf is unfinished and the yarn is coming from her tailbone. This represents a paradox-does our DNA create our destiny or does our destiny create our DNA and who we are? At the same time the piece is whimsical; it is a full size knitted skeleton after all. The piece captures both the seriousness and silliness of life. The title of Just One More Row captures this whimsy; it is a phrase often said by knitters to stall for a few more minutes of craft time. -Twilight Kallisti

Pearl here, (why not Purl?) is a little bit more of a Stable Mable than Milk Bones up there. She's actually knit over an existing medical training skeleton. She's a colorful one too, and seems extremely cheerful about deconstructing herself to make that scarf. It is whimsical. And what better image than a knitting skeleton to realize that yeah, life is serious, but you shouldn't take it too seriously. No one gets out alive anyway.

etsy
"These are completely unique designs, with no pattern to follow and nothing else like it. The crossbones are stuffed with poly-fill. The skull is not stuffed, but hollow, with a sturdy yet malleable feel.
This item would make the perfect Halloween decoration, be it as a table setting, a door hanging or all year round decor."

It would be totally cute as a table decoration. If you want him... too bad. He's already sold.

Why am I posting about skeletons and knitting? Because it's Halloween time and well, the theme of the blog, you know... yarn related stuff. Also though, I'm probably going to be having some extremely major bone surgery fairly soon, so I thought it'd be appropriate. I'll post more about that later. For now, expect more Halloween related items.

Skeletons, Vampires, Ghost, Goblins... real life can be so much scarier.

Zombies... They're Crap at Knitting.

2011-10-24T14:42:00.000-07:00

craftycrafty

This is true. They just don't have the fine motor skills required for such delicate movements. They're still awesome at eating your face off though, so you might want to watch out for that.

flickr

The sad thing is, they actually love to knit. Well, they like trying. It's a little known zombie fact, but a fresh skein of yarn and a new pair of knitting needles are almost as effective at rendering a zombie a non-threat as a point-blank shotgun blast to the head. Almost. It's one of the reasons they always seem so angry and frustrated. It's not really the maddening lust for human brains or their cravings for the sweet, sweet flesh of the innocent, no it's the fact that casting on is really, really difficult when your fingers keep rotting off.

lambiebird knitting

Every once in a while, one of the fresher zombs will manage to make something that doesn't totally suck. The undead do like a well crafted pair of colorful socks.

flickr

There was one recorded case of highly skilled knitter that fell victim to one of the shambling zombie hordes that plague America's small, unsuspecting townships. She was a member of a traveling, west coast artist collective who made their livings selling patchouli and handicrafts. In an unfortunate (and highly ironic) run-in with a pack of literal corporate zombies, all members of the collective were eaten or turned. "Cakeyvoice" the aforementioned skilled crafter, was bitten during the corporate take down but not consumed. Eyewitness accounts say that her last human act was to grab her needles and yarn basket, crying out in terror as the zombie virus overtook her. When she awoke however, it was apparent that her love of knitting was still stronger than her new found desire for brains, and being that her fingers were still dexterous and rigor free, she knitted this amazing tableau, apparently, her memory of the attack. Many people, though ill advised, gathered to watch the crafting zombie work, in awe of her tireless will to create. As she finished the scene, the crowd erupted in applause, and then panic as she quickly attacked and ate three eye witnesses.

Again, this beautiful example of zombie craft is extremely rare. Usually, the results are as follows:

chictopia
As we've seen, at first, the zombie's attempt at knitting something might almost be classified as successful, such as is the case with this cardigan. Unfortunately, she kept biting holes in the yarn.

Laura Mappin
Of course, zombies often knit the things they most crave, fresh, tasty organs. These simple, gory tubes, these intestines and colons were collected at the Etsy headquarters, after the neutralization of the undead staff, following a massive outbreak of the zombie virus. At this point, the zombie still recognizes color, texture, makes an effort at what he's doing. These would have been proudly sold on the well know craft site. Sadly, it won't happen, as we regretsy to inform you that there were no survivors.

ugly-crap
Quickly though, their brain function decreases, color, pattern, and fashion no longer make sense, and terrible things like this begin to happen.

whipup

...And this. This is the point when you realize the zombie brain is truly putrefied. At this point, the clacking of the needles is a mindless reflex as he searches for the living,

Costume Time!

2011-10-21T12:21:00.000-07:00

flickrhivemind

boingboing

This is Chris Wass. Chris Wass is a cool chica. Why you ask? Patience, patience... I'm getting there. Check out this costume, this homemade, hand-knit Wonder Woman costume. Knit! It's absolutely fantastic! With so many cookie cutter, cheaply made, kind of tramptastic costumes out there, I love the fact that she took the time to use her skills to make her own kickin' outfit. Check out the detail she's got in there, the bracelets, headband, crest, and those stars! Awesome. Also, yeah, she's a bigger girl daring to wear something tight-fitting and sexy. Bigger girls are beautiful, fun, inspiring, and creative too, deal with it.

Plus, she's cool enough to offer the customizable pattern on Ravelry. Not only that, but she made it to wear to Comic-Con, a giant comic book convention that's basically Nerdvana. I hope to make my own geek pilgrimage someday.

knithacker

Monster Pants! If you've ever changed a dirty diaper, you already knew there was evil back there. This just shows it off in a more adorable way. What a cute concept for kids pants... and it makes a handy little costume for your "little monster." Throw a silly, colorful hoodie with some googly eyes or horns on it, and you've got a costume! Wanna make them? Here's a comparable pattern.

thinknice

Familiar with David Bowie? Familiar with his Ziggy Stardust character? If so, you totally get this costume and are pretty amazed at the knitted accuracy of it. If you're not, well, then this is probably pretty confusing and possibly frightening to you. It's definitely unique, and would be center stage at the right party!

the blue blog

Dr. Seuss had some characters, oh yes he did! They're perfect for costumes for you or your kid! A skein of red yarn, it's so easy to do. Just a few simple rows brings Thing 1 and Thing 2! On Halloween night when they go "Trick or Treat!" others will marvel at your neat knitting feat. "Will you provide some instructions?" you hurriedly ask. Of course, right away! That's my next blogging task! So here's a nice pattern for Seussical knits. Your Thing 1 and Thing 2 will be holiday hits!

That's right. I just did that.

mingyisung

My gosh, I'm tempted to write the rest of this post in rhyme. Be looking for that in a later post. Anyway, I'll restrain myself for now.

I'm pretty sure this actually falls under the category "textile arts" and not "hilarious costume," but I'm filing it under "hilarious costume," mainly because of the laughter inducing inclusion of the huge boobs! Ha! Since most of the models in the costume ads had to purchase theirs separately, this'll really save time (and about $5000!) If you could manage to snatch it out of the gallery, I'm sure it'd make a splash (hehe) at any party.

wear7

She is selling the heck out of that sweater! Seriously. "Buy this sweater or you're dead to me! DEAD!" At least, I think that's what her face is saying. I thought I'd end this post with a good old fashioned ugly/awesome sweater. Everything about this delights and amuses me, from the brick wall, to the shoulder-wrapping crescent moon, to the angry intensity of the model. It's all gold! I feel like Linus and Charlie brown should be wandering up to the brick wall any second to lament another year of The Great Pumpkin's absence. Also, I'm pretty sure those cats are suicidal.

Ski Masks... Never A Good Thing.

2011-10-20T09:12:00.000-07:00

Amazon

Ski Masks. What can you say about them? They're the accessory of choice for the well seasoned bank robber, terrorist, and creepy perv. Whenever somebody shows up in a ski mask, the immediate thought isn't "what a clever and effective way to stay warm." It's always "I hope this guy doesn't kill us."

If you're familiar with the Batman franchise, then you're already acquainted with the greasepaint face up there. That's right, it's the joker... the Heath Ledger joker... the "some men just want to see the world burn" joker. And this joker, well, he's no laughing matter. He'll blow up hospitals, kill innocent girlfriends, and steal your car... just because he can. If you see someone roll up in one of these, get ready for a good time... and by "good time," I mean pray SEAL TEAM 6 gets there before the slaughter starts.

hawtymcbloggy

I no longer want to catch them all. Let's compare...

One of these brings happiness and laughter to children through adorable, animated violence, and collectible merchandise. The other one, well... it brings to mind offers of candy and an unmarked van.

naturallycurly

"Short row a chin, unravel a mouth, and double-decrease a nose." I'm sure these are knitting terms... or terms related to yarn in some way. They also sound like serial killer shorthand. But, maybe that's just because the picture itself is so freakin' weird! What kind of whackadoo family does this? AND THE PIE? WHY IS IT THERE? What really gets me is that this is from a legit magazine. Someone in publishing actually thought this was a good idea. Snow fooling! What makes it better though is that instead of ending up in lost in the obscurity of its own era, doomed to never freak anyone out again, it ended up in the hands of April, at Regretsy.

Get ready.

Regretsy

Not familiar with Regretsy? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Er... I mean... you should probably head on over there, peruse it for a while. Basically, it's a collection of the most awful/hilarious/disturbing items ever offered on Etsy. Not familiar with Etsy? I don't think we can hang out anymore.

Aaaaanyway, what ended up happening was a recreation of the weirdness from the original picture, but even more so. As it turns out, tons of people started making these ski masks for photo hilarity, but then, what do you do with a bunch of terrifying face sweaters? Well, in the case of Regretsy, you use them to be awesome by helping out a little boy with Leukemia.

flickr

Mom's secret life as a Luchador is discovered.

flickr
I have a feeling this guy hangs out with Pikachu mask on a regular basis. There's something about that cigarette hole in the mouth that just makes him extra trustworthy, isn't there? Kind of like how the slutty looking CD cover back there adds to the "parental guidance suggested" feeling of this whole set up. Again, kids, stay away from the van. You don't want the candy he's offering.

So yeah, ski masks. With the rare exception of their creepiness being put to good use through Regretsy, they're harbingers of doom. Well, occasionally they're harbingers of Mexican wrestling, but usually, just doom.

The Crafter's Corner: Old Sweater Edition!

2011-10-18T13:38:00.000-07:00

Threadbanger

Wanna make some awesome crafty crafts? I know you do.

If you're like me, you love upcycling or recycling or some kind of cycling old things into something new. (I'm actually procrastinating starting a new blog on that even as we speak!) I scrounge up potential project material from thrift stores all the time, old sweaters, cool looking dishes, fabrics... owl statues, whatever calls to my eclectic tastes. I've made new tops out of old dresses, cake stands out of plates and candlesticks, purses and pillows from sweaters, all kinds of things. Soon, I'll be trying this: a simple tutorial on turning a sweater into a cute shrug and skirt set from the awesomeness that is Threadbanger. You don't need tons of materials or great skill to do it, and look how cute that shrug is!

Awesome. OK, let's move along...

Instructables

Urban Threads, Instructables member and crafting maven shows us how to make some kickin' boots out of an old sweater and a cheap pair of slip on flats. Clicky the linky under the pic to be magically whisked away to the tutorial! Click the other link to be just as magically whisked away to her page, where several other awesome DIY ideas await!

To make your boots, you'll need a big bulky sweater with nice large sleeves, some cheap flat shoes, a hot glue gun, and some buttons, as well as a sewing machine and a needle and thread. I machine embroidered my boots as well, but it's not necessary, just awesome :)

Yeah it is.

Bonzai Aphrodite

Want cute leg warmers and hand warmers that require little to no sewing? Me too. Sayward Rebhal makes it easy as pie... only making a pie's not that easy, so it's easier than pie! You can even make fingerless gloves from a pair of socks! They're cute. They're simple. They're on my project list.

Urban Threads

Don't mind a little sewing for some sweet leg wear? Kick it up a notch and fashion some spats! The embroidery step is a bit beyond my skills, but you don't have to do that. You could add an embroidered patch though, or a pin, or nothing, whatever you want! I LURVE the buttons down the sides, and they look pretty boss with tights.

jeffs-mrs

Hows about a cute bag, eh? Michelle Remmington shows us how to do it! This is pretty similar to one that I made, but mine had a front flap closure. It's really not hard at all, so don't be intimidated! If I can make it, you can make it! It's such a great wardrobe addition for fall, and the possible colors and patterns are pretty much endless thanks the the multitude of affordable, discarded sweaters!

Ruffles and Stuff

I'm pretty sure I've featured this before, but whatever. It's worth a second look. It's stupidly easy and fabulously whimsical. Ruffles and Stuff gives an easy tutorial to make this adorable owl hat and scarf. It's great for a child... or a 30 year old that still acts like one, like myself. This scarf is fairly short, but just cut and add more material if you like a bit of length. I like a long scarf I can wrap around a few times and knot in all kinds of overly complicated patterns.

Brassy Apple

I'm sure you're tired after all that crafting. I know I usually need to take a nap after the wild frenzy of a DIY project. However, before you fall out, take a few minutes and a few old sweaters to make some cozy pillows! The instructions via the link are pretty simple and easy to follow, or you can be like me, and totally wing it. Just buy a two dollar pillow from your local discount store, cut a couple of eyeballed squares from your sweater, stitch them together, hope for the best, shove the fluff in there, sew it closed, and call it a day. (And FYI, my pillow is awesome.)

And that wraps up today's edition of The Crafter's Corner. There are still plenty of sweater related crafts out there just waiting to be created! We'll cover more on the next installment!

Pumpkin Parenting.

2011-10-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

Berroco
This is Jack. Jack is going to be a pumpkin for Halloween. Jack dresses like a pumpkin a lot. Pumpkins are fun! That's what Mommy and Daddy say. Mommy and Daddy dress like pumpkins too, Halloween pumpkins, and not just for Halloween. Mommy says pumpkins should be for everyday, not just for special. Daddy says that pumpkins should always be feared and respected, that they are the most trustworthy and noble of vegetables. Jack doesn't know what that means, but sometimes, he thinks maybe Mommy and Daddy are a little bit scary. Sometimes Jack thinks he doesn't really like pumpkins as much as Mommy and Daddy do...

Sometimes Jack thinks maybe they know. Mommy always reminds him that he needs to be a good little pumpkin. "If you're not a good boy, and you don't wear your pumpkin suit, the great pumpkin will come and take you back to the patch with all the other bad little pumpkin boys!" So Jack is always a good boy. He doesn't want the big pumpkin man to come get him like Mommy says. So Jack always wears his pumpkin suit, and Jack's sweet blue eyes are always filled with the same expression...

Pure, unadulterated
TERROR.

Sarah Teapot
Because this is Mommy.

flickr

And this is Daddy.

(And that's Jack with Daddy... on Easter.)

presurfer

Everybody in Jack's family wears pumpkins. Mommy made a pumpkin hat for Jack's dog, Gourdy...

Annie Fannie

...And for Seeds, Jack's cat. Daddy said lots of bad words when he was trying to put Seed's hat on him. He was yowling and scratching and biting Daddy! He was not a happy cat! Jack thinks Seeds likes pumpkins about as much as he does.

Pumpkinrot

If it was up to Jack, he'd never wear or eat or even see another pumpkin ever again! Daddy can say what he wants, but Jack doesn't think you can trust pumpkins at all.

Tasteful Options.

2011-10-13T09:41:00.000-07:00

"Hello, welcome to Skeined Alive Knitting Co., where all your custom knitting needs are met. How can we help you this morning?"

"Yes, hi. I'd like to purchase a pumpkin sweater for my 6 year old daughter."

"Of course ma'am. Can you describe what you'd like please?"

"You know, something simple, orange, maybe a jack-o-lantern face. Just something cute that seems Halloweeny."

"Excellent. I think we have just the thing!"

swellknits

"Er..."

"You don't like it? It's top quality, I assure you."

"Well, it's... not that it's not well made, but I'm fairly certain that's a carrot."

"Hmm. Well, I'll have you know that Jack-o-Lanterns were originally carved from various root vegetables, not just pumpkins. I'm sure carrots were used! It's educational!"

"Riiiiight... Er, do you have anything else?"

sarcasticseth

"Of course ma'am. Perhaps this will be more to your liking?"

"That's a cat... on burgundy."

"A classic symbol of Halloween."

"My daughter's allergic to cats... terribly. Please, I'm just looking for something with a pumpkin or a Jack-o-Lantern."

Babble

"Well then, this will be perfect!"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"I fail to see how this doesn't meet your requirements...madam."

"You fail to see? Wha? It's not a pumpkin or a Jack-o-Lantern! It's a... a... hmm. Yeah. What exactly is it?"

"It's $84 and someone will appreciate it!"

bulldogvintage

"Here. Orange, black, smiling pumpkin colored face, what could possibly be wrong with this one?"

"You're serious?"

"You honestly have a problem with it?"

"That' Alex DeLarge, NOT a Jack-o-Lantern! A Clockwork Orange! He's one of the most horrible, violent, terrible people ever portrayed on film! Yes, I have a problem with it!"

"Now you're just splitting hairs."

"Look, have you got anything for A SIX YEAR OLD FOR HALLOWEEN OR NOT!?"

thisnext

"Perfect for any six year old."

"I think we're done here."

"I'm sorry we couldn't accommodate you, ma'am. I'm sure you'll find another shop more suited to your generic... taste."

"Yes, well, perhaps the staff will be less ru...WAIT! Over there, in the corner! What's that!?"

greg'salerts

"That? I was about to cut it up for dust rags!"

"NO! It's perfect! It's just what I wanted! How much?"

"Uh.. I suppose you can just take it. It's horrible, trash really."

"Thank you! Wonderful! She'll love it!"

"Yes well, I suppose she will if she has her mother's taste... or lack thereof. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to start setting out our Thanksgiving stock."

TheUglySweaterShop

"Lovely."

"Just Because You Can..." REVISITED (AND FOR SALE!!!)

2011-10-10T12:31:00.000-07:00

THE SECURITY BLANKET CO.

Just because you can, still doesn't mean you should. My most popular post ever featured some of the funniest yarn work ever found on the internet. If you're a fan of this blog, I don't have to explain it to you; you're already laughing. If you're new, click that link I posted to see the amazement. If you're lazy, then let me just tell you that they were ice cream colored, crochet short pants. And I've just discovered where they came from. It's not from some random granny hoping to keep her sonny boy home bound and socially dormant well into his 40s, oh no. These are produced by a dude. A dude named Spooner, and his wearable works of... art... can be yours too! These kickin' pants? A mere $500!

FIVE. HUNDRED. DOLLARS.

THE SECURITY BLANKET CO.

But for $500 I don't want something as subdued and simple as BROWN crochet pants. NO! I want a Technicolored dream coat... of pants. I want it to look like Rainbow Bright tossed her ROY.G.BIV cookies all over the lower half of my body. Fortunately, Spooner's been around since the days of Woodstock, crocheting up pants, shorts, skirts and more in the acid colored hues of the 60s and 70s. So you don't have to settle for the "business casual" colors of that first pair I posted. You can totally rock these bad boys. Or, as I've named them: "Melted Crayola Trousers."

THE SECURITY BLANKET CO.

Live in a warmer climate? Not a fan of vibrant colors? Looking for a way to stand out when you're kickin' it with other short pants enthusiasts? $300 and the ability to order things online will do it. These pastel lady pants will make you all the rage at the country club, beach retreat, or good old-fashioned love in.

THE SECURITY BLANKET CO.

Not a lady, you say? Looking for something a bit more manly, something to wear around the hunting lodge with your bros while sipping a few brewskis? Look. no. further. You manly men can get in on the magic right here. And let me tell you, $300 for the powerhouse of masculinity these shorts offer is a bargain. You won't even mind awkward sweating and constant chaffing!

THE SECURITY BLANKET CO.

And don't think skirts are getting let off the hook (seewhatIdidthere?) Oh no! You can order up one of these when you're looking for a bit of a breeze. Like the pants and shorts, these fanciful items are available in a multitude of colors. Each link I've provided takes you straight to the various selections. $250

THE SECURITY BLANKET CO.

Or maybe a $150 multicolored, crochet cowboy hat is more your speed. I'm sure all the ladies will be checkin' your swagger when you pony up to the bar in this. "Howdy Ma'am, I see you're admiring my hat. That's a fine crochet skirt you're workin' there yourself, little lady'. Maybe I can buy you a drink tonight, darlin'? *wink* Barkeep, a couple of prune juice and Metamucil tonics, por favor. "

THE SECURITY BLANKET

How about a doll for your child? $100 provides endless companionship. Nothing says comfort like black, lifeless eyes, a fang like smile, and a body in various shades of red ranging from "fresh kill blood" to "dried blood stain." Give him a hug!

But who is the man who has brought us these treasures? Who is Spooner?

THE SECURITY BLANKET CO.

Spooner is this guy, and may I just say, WOW. That... pair of pants? Overalls? Leg sweater? Uh, that garment is truly amazing. From the bold mishmash of colors to the built in suspenders and especially the flared bell bottom legs, that outfit screams "I do what I want! ...And what I want to do is crochet, crochet like you've never seen before!" Congratulations, sir. You've succeeded. Mr. Spooner is a man unto himself, a maverick, a free spirit. He marches to the beat of not only his own drummer, but a completely different band.

THE SECURITY BLANKET CO.

Is it a look for everyone? No. Does Spooner seemingly pull it off? Oddly, yes. Does it take a lot of self confidence to rock this... this lifestyle? You betcha! I may laugh, we may make fun, but you go Mr. Spooner. You make a living creating things you enjoy and doing something you love. That's more than a lot of us can say. So, you wear your crochet shorts and... things... with your head held high! You wear them with pride! After all, you said it best:

"Better to crochet for yourself and lose the public than to crochet for the public and lose yourself."

THE SECURITY BLANKET CO.

Word.

Brains... BRAAAAIIINS!!!!!

2011-10-06T08:05:00.000-07:00

whatthecool

The Zombie apocalypse is coming. We all know this. It's not a secret. Even the CDC has acknowledged that we should be preparing for the inevitable. What's a zombie you ask? Surely you know! Have cinema and popular television taught you nothing? Well, if you are one of the uninformed, going about your day waiting for sunshine and daisies to sprout from your footsteps, I'm about to punch the rose-colored glasses off of your face.

Zombies, my friends, are the dead. But, they're not just the regular dead.

No.

They're the UNdead, and not undead like those posh, blood sucking, dandies the Vampires. Oh no. These dead guys aren't going to romance, seduce, or sparkle at you. AT ALL. They just want to infect you, or eat you. Specifically, they want to eat your brain, but they'll take a chunk out of whatever they can reach. They don't feel. They don't fear. They just hunger... for YOU!

flickr urbanmaker

At first glance, this appears to be a brain hat... but it's not. It's a knit brain that was exhibited at the Beaverbrook Art Gallery in 1999, by textile artist Sarah Maloney. It may be a nice piece of textile art, but I think it serves the world better as what it should be, a decoy. It's really a brilliant ploy in the fight against the legions of the undead. A brain on a pole... maybe toss a little blood on it to get the olfactory senses going and you won't be able to shake the undead off with a stick... which you should know is a poor choice of weapon against them.

Take your decoy and set it up in a nice clear area. Grab your high powered rifle with plenty of ammo, hightail it to a handy rooftop, and start blasting away as the zombies start streaming out of the vacant office building/ dark alley/ abandoned park/ mist filled cemetary. Do not stop the slaughter until you've cleared the zone. (Oh, and because zombies are jerks, save a few bullets for the lone zombie that's waiting for you in the dark shadow just outside the exit to the building.)

flickr zealofzebra

This is a bad idea, terrible. You know at Thanksgiving how mom brings out the turkey, and everyone's waiting in antici...pation, salivating like one of Pavlov's dogs, unfettered joy on each face at the prospect of ripping that delicious bird limb from limb? Well, it's Thanksgiving Day sweet cheeks, and you're on the platter! When a Zombie sees your choice of headgear, he's not going to stop and tell you what a clever hat you've crafted. No, he's going to come at you like aunt Susan digging into the sweet potato casserole... hard and fast, until she's scraping the bowl clean... and by bowl, I mean your empty cranium.

selvage blog

Flint Knits.

And here's how it often starts. Some scientist goes about playing God and ends up dooming us all. Today's Zombies are usually the result of something gone horribly involving animal testing, virus experimentation, or just good old fashioned mad science. The chimp bites you. Someone drops the vial. The proteins finally mutate. You name it, it's never good when the white coats get involved. The mad-capped mad scientist here is just helping the inevitable along. No one in the labs ever survives the initial onslaught.

Pinterest Hillary Israeli

Taunting the undead is never smart. Sure, you've got the functioning cerebral cortex and the non- necrotic limbs, but you mark my words, you taunt a zombie, you'll get eaten. Remember, zombies are fast nowadays, they'll catch ya! That being said, it's an excellent craft, beautifully knit, and I'm sure the zombies will think so too... as they're ripping through it to get to the sweet brainloaf below.

Interesting, interesting... yes, the brain is exposed here, but unlike the above examples, it doesn't look so fresh and tasty. The (technically correct) grey color, the addition of the blood spatters, the dark black of the hat, perhaps this is some crafter's attempt at a disguise? It's a risky prospect, trying to assimilate yourself into the undead horde, but if you're surrounded by the mob, unable to escape, trying to blend in may be your only option.

dog-gone knit

Of course, you'll test it on an animal first... don't you know that's probably how you got in this mess in the first place?

grapevinefires
Oh, and fyi, there's no guarantee you'll survive just because Fido does.

the drugged zombie
And, if they don't finish you off, the zombie virus (because it's always a virus now) will course through the remains of your system, shutting down every vital function that makes you who you are, eventually converting you into one of the mindless, emotionless, walking dead themselves. But hey, you'll be fine! After all, what can that rag-tag group of survivors armed with nothing more than a few shotguns, a can of hairspray and a lighter, and a 1970's conversion van do to you?

Why Not ZOIDBERG?

2011-10-03T14:31:00.000-07:00

"D'oh!mestic" -such an awesome name!

I'm a huge fan of Futurama. If you haven't seen it, you should. It's hilarious. One reason it's so hilarious is because of that guy up there... Dr. Zoidberg. Yes, he's a doctor, a seemingly bad one. He's also a lobsteresque alien with a Yiddish accent, and an affinity for knitting. And, apparently, there's an affinity for knitting him! Let's check it out maybe, yes?

The Asianman

This is a tiny, adorable Zoidberg, and I love his little beady eyes and felt Dr. coat. Why are little, round-bottom, legless dolls are so cute? The world may never know. This was an expertly crafted mini Decapodian! I just hear him pointing to my heart and telling a crowd of med students that's where the food's digested.

world's strangest

Ah! Double Zoidbergs all across the couch! Here we have traditional the Zoidberg and the rare variant, blue Zoidberg. Or, as you might know them, the Zoidberg from Universe A and the Zoidberg from Universe 1. ...Because nobody wants to be Universe B.

Ashergrey flickr

We all know Zoidberg's a doctor, but did you know he also has degrees in murderology AND murderonomy? It's true! Just ask "the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse!"

technobob

Now, when I read about this little craft on the link above, I'm informed that it's supposed to be Cthulhu, a terrible old god of unspeakable chaos and destruction. However, even the creator agrees that this particular mask is more Zoidbergian than Lovecraftian. Which means that it's really just an overgrown crustacean wondering if maybe a little kugel you have? Hmmm?

futurama-madhouse

If you really want to go on a Zoidberg "Bender" (SeewhatIdidthere?)... well, have I got the project for you!

Instructables

It's definitely Zoidbergian... but with that frame and outfit, I'm thinking it's more Edna, Zoidy's unattainable love interest... Amazing that he never got her with lines like this...

Zoidberg:"You seem malnurished. Are you suffering from internal parasites?"

Edna:"Why, yes! Thank you for noticing!"

What a charmer! A girl likes to be told she's looking slim in any language.

"WOOP, WOOP, WOOP, WOOP, WOOP!"

Kristen's Flickr

Well, that's all I've got, the end of the post... so what do you have left after all this nonsense?

"...You still have Zoidberg. YOU ALL STILL HAVE ZOIDBERG!"

Now, if you're not a fan of Futurama, this post probably confused you, and possibly filled you with rage. If however, you are a Futurama fan, just laugh and leave show quotes in the comments. I'll enjoy that. If you don't want to, then bite my shiny, yellow, daffodil. See ya, Chumps!

A Wolf Pack of Wearables!

2011-09-29T10:57:00.000-07:00

koolafternoons

This can't be real. Surely this much Lupine awesomeness doesn't exist on more than one garment? It does make me feel like I was "Born to Roam," like surely I'm wasting my life by sitting here in corporate America. I should be out there, like a lone wolf, answering to no one, howling at the moon, wearing my sweater with the steely eyed determination of the very wolf emblazoned upon it! It can only lead to fortune and glory... after all, there is another poly-cotton blend wolf creation that took the world and its wearers by storm...

...and it's modeled here by my good friend, Travis Arket, crab-fisherman, adventurer, t-shirt aficionado, proud owner of the legendary 3 WOLF MOON. He's a man who knows what he wants, wolf clothing. He's a man knows what he was born to do. He was "born to roam."

Style Blog

Obviously, it's cold outside. There is snow on the ground, and you are bundled in a sweater and scarf. You have however, neglected a hat, and you're wearing ... jorts. JORTS, in the winter. I don't care how warm you say your leggings and boots are. They're not. I own them, and they don't keep you warm, and wearing jorts in the winter is ridiculous. However, your H&M wolf sweater is pretty fierce, so I guess I can forgive you... but hypothermia won't.

Granted Blog

Speaking of hypothermia, let's head to Sitka, Alaska! Ah, Sitka, how I miss you. Sitka's a little patch of land on Baranof Island in Southeast AK. One thing that sets Sitka apart from most any other town in Alaska is that it has a surf shop. Yes, a surf shop. I've been there, and have my own "Euphoria is the first stage of hypothermia" t-shirt to prove it. I don't know if there's any association with this Sitka design and that shop, but I can imagine this would be the perfect thing to warm you up and show some local pride after a day in the, I can assure you, cold Alaskan water.

pigeontoed

This is crazy. This is crazy in a totally awesome way. It's a 3-D sweater by Mashallah Design. (More pics on the site.) The wolf head is like RIGHT. THERE. on your shoulder. Everything about this is crazy artistic, from the way the different seams look like folded paper, to the fact that the wolf head is so excellently rendered! I kind of want to see it worn, but I kind of don't. I'm afraid some hipster kid with his white-studded belt, black-framed fake glasses, and ill conceived skinny jeans will ruin it for me.

The story behind the piece:

AFTER HEARING A STORY ABOUT A BOY BROUGHT UP BY A WOLF I WANTED THIS MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. THE WOLF WOULD HAVE ACCOMPANIED MY NOCTURNAL WANDERINGS, WOULD HAVE EAGERLY SHARED MY RECONNAISSANCES AND SOMETIMES MY THUNDEROUS SIGHS.

Awesome.

lookbook

Remember when I was talking about that hipster kid? Yeah. He's not exactly what I meant, but he's close enough. I'd say there's a bit of hipster in him, but more than a dash of emo making up the difference. This is actually the exact same sweater that "Jorts" is wearing... and I believe it's made an appearance on this blog in a previous post. As a matter of fact, I know it has. If you haven't ever seen my post about Skants, take a moment to familiarize yourself, and then feel bad for the future of humanity.

reallynicesweaters

This makes me think of my 1980s childhood. There was nothing better as a kid than a busy sweater emblazoned with your favorite animal. I had many a glittery kitten in my wardrobe. This is obviously a sweater for an adventurous little boy or rough and tumble little girl. A lone, disembodied wolf head surveying its territory, the snow capped mountains of... somewhere rising high behind him. What more does a kid need? Glitter need not apply.

And of course, as an adult, why not continue your love of disembodied wolf heads, though now, they snarl with the ferocity of full grown rage! And what better place to display such a beast than a soft, purple sweater dress?

rarevintage
Soft. purple. sweater. dress. HOWL AT THE MOOOOOOOOOON!

Vanna Vear Some Lederhosen?

2011-09-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

"Nein!"

"Nein? NEIN! You vill vear das Lederhosen, ant you vill LIKE IT!"

The Cottage Cheese

If there's anything Lederhosen needed, it was to be made of multicolored yarn crocheted into multicolored stripes or granny squares... it's especially nice when paired with a bright purple or yellow turtleneck bodysuit. Seriously. Because those bad boys don't draw enough attention on their own.

knot another hat

Yeah, he's lovin' it. For only $6.00 American, you can make your child's face look like this little guy's... full of confusion, toddler angst, and parental mistrust! Not to mention the fact that a few years down the road, this little ensemble, safely tucked in the family album will be sure to scare off any of the "she's not good enough for you!" girls your precious Wilberforce brings home for dinner.

bluegirl knit

DAS KINDERHOSEN! This... is acceptable. It's hard to hate anything worn by an adorable baby. Plus, these look like they're pretty nicely crafted. You win this round Deutschland, you win this round.

twinset
You can't let the hosen have all the fun! These socken have enough clout to carry any outfit. Just think of how they'd enhance your power pantsuit, bathing costume, or little black dress... they'll really make a statement! I'm not sure what that statement is, but you'll sure be makin' it!

glentleiten
Speaking of making a statement, little does more to make one than showing up with an accordion. Unless it's wearing some handicraft leg cuffs. It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? These "Loferl" as I'm told they're called are apparently traditional leg wear in Germany? Well, I can't say I'm going to be sporting them with my suspender loving short-pants any time soon, but hey those patterns are awesome. I may not use them as leg gauntlets, but they'd make some nice cup cuffs for Starbuck's ridiculous Trenta size.

In all honesty, I think Lederhosen are awesome... they're harbingers of good things... Oktoberfest, hilarious dances, and men with German accents. The local Oktoberfest is actually getting underway this weekend, and I'm hoping to swing by for some Bratwürst und Bräu. I don't have any Lederhosen to wear, but maybe I'll find some strapping, young mensch who's rocking a pair. If so, well, fire up the accordion Fritz, we've got some dancing to do!

I Ain't Sayin' She A Golddigger...

2011-09-22T09:32:00.000-07:00

But she is broke. BROKE. Yeah... she is. What's a broke girl to do? Well, this one's putting ads on the blog. I guess you can say the idea just seemed to... click. I'm not happy about it, but I've gotten to the point where I'm exploring every possible source of income. Ends aren't meeting anymore, bills are piling up, and a recently diagnosed condition that keeps getting worse is really taking a toll on my sad little piggy bank. I'll be visiting second job land pretty soon too... if I can find anything to work into my already overwhelming schedule. Honestly, I'm completely at wits' end.

If you're feeling particularly benevolent you can always PayPal some love to a girl just looking for a break.

The sad thing is, I'm not even joking. :/

Anyway, enough Destitute Debby Downer for the day. Let's cash in on some appropriate knitwear!

Nordstrom at NYFW

The devil may wear Prada, but Vogue "editor-at-large" André Leon Talley wears this. I think the fact that one pant leg is riding flood makes this ensemble extra special! Let's take inventory... one seemingly gigantic black man- check! A blingin' dollar sign sweater- check! A fur scarf that might be a blanket on a normal sized human- check! Complete and total bewilderment as to how this is considered fashionable-check! I've never understood fashion, and if this is it, I hope I never do.

Knitting Bird

This dress gives a new meaning to the high cost of fashion. It's actually knit from dollar bills by artist Dave Cole! Personally, I'd love to own it... and deconstruct it, and then pay my mortgage with it. Green is my color, after all!

blog.craftzine.com
Ah, Cheers! Now, that was a show. Thanks to reruns, it's still the place "you wanna go where people know, people are all the same, You wanna go where everybody knows your name." You remember Frasier, Norm, Cliff, Bar Customer #1, and who could forget Bar Customer #2? Yeah, Bar Customer #2... he and his sweater emblazoned with a huge dollar bill was my favorite.

Kaboodle
And finally, sadly, thanks to a frivolous government and tragic economy, this is about as much financial security as most seniors are likely to see. Keep dreaming Grampa, it's better than than reality!

"Ain't no millions, ain't no hundos. Single in my pocket's all I gots."

Autumn, Fall, That season after Summer...

2011-09-12T12:44:00.000-07:00

Kiddlins

Welcome to an Autumnal explosion! First off, we've got Pumpkins, Pumpkins, PUMPKINS!

A thousand different textures and colors is the message of fall, and this sassy little thing pulls it off...because she's 3. All you crafty ladies reading this, jonesing for this look... put down the crochet needles and appliques and step away from the simplicity pattern. See that stern face and pointing finger? She's telling you, "NO!"

Fashion Forestry

HOOT! HOOT! HOOTold you to wear that? The sweater's not so bad, but paired with an owl head, well, that's making a bit too much of a statement for me. Unless, of course, you're looking for a quick Halloween costume, which I often am. The sweater looks a little hairy, and for some reason, the overall look and pose make me think of Hagrid from Harry Potter, but hey, that belt's pretty wicked. In all seriousness, check out this chick's blog. The girl's got a lot of gorgeous, vintage fashion, and I'm always a fan of that. Plus, she's got a lobster brooch I'm coveting a bit. However, and no offense random stranger from the internet, your photo stylings and peculiar blend of fashions, had me loling. "Ok, now take this one where I'm looking dreamily to the left!"

etsy

It's an etsy hat with a regretsy attitude!

Handmade Spark
From the description: "Perfect for lady or very brave and funny lad!" Sure, it's perfect for a lad, you know, if it's for an ugly sweater party, or a laugh with your friends, or if you're a regular on "The Office." However, if you, in your devil may care lifestyle, decide to bust this puppy out on any given day of the week, no context, no explanation, be prepared for this face from passing strangers...

yeah. exactly.

Let's Talk Crochet.

2011-08-17T14:18:00.000-07:00

Crochet is a wonderful craft. Many beautiful objects have been created with skillful hands and deft use of the hook.

However...

There's also a whole boatload of weird out there.

ccpiftheshoefits

Crazy Crochet by artist Judy Swartz

Puke green and purple... not exactly the most pleasing combo, yet oddly popular. I'm actually working on a project right now that has these exact colors! Although, this one trumps mine for the simple fact that it has a tiny lady just kind of chillin' out in the toe box. Seriously, click the link for some majorly cool shoe art.

Sleevage

Bjork: Volta costume by The Icelandic Love Corporation

Bjork is... something... else. I don't know what people from her planet are like, but they've got a taste for the theatrical. Oh, I just this second noticed she's on fire. I suppose that's really just like an average afternoon for Bjork. It's pretty colorful, and interesting, and really, I'm just glad it's not this.

thecraftyminx

By Kate Jenkins, an artist from Brighton in the UK created this lovely plate of fish and chips, and if you click the links, you'll see several other dishes. Still, I can just imagine the dinner conversation. "Hows the fish?" "Eh, a little stringy... kind of er... woolly." "Oh, ah... the chips then?" "Yeah... not sure they're real potatoes... polyester maybe." "For heaven's sake! The mushy peas!?" "Not all that mushy... but the flavour's fine."

I... I...have no words. (Raise your hand if you didn't see the second figure until after you'd stared at this, bemusedly, for a while.) Also, why is there a balloon doggy by his foot? It just seems incredibly random... you know, unlike everything else going on up there.

weburbanist

Polish-born Brooklyn-based artist Agata Olek brought us the, what I like to call, "Nude with Ski Mask, hidden guy, and balloon doggy," and the two above pictures of the totally crocheted rooms. It's like a rainbow came and vomited all of the place! I think there are colors in there I never knew existed. I certainly never knew they existed together. Honestly, I wouldn't want to live there, but it is kind of interesting. It's definitely attention grabbing, and I can tell it took a good long while to create. At the very least, one of those full body crochet suits would keep a person warm and toasty.

myfolklover

Fecal Face just featured a studio visit with artist Sarah Applebaum. First of all, if you're unfamiliar with Fecal Face, go forth and familiarize! FF is a great site full of wonderful art and photography, with a weird name. But hey, that name comes with the added bonus of freaking people out when you tell them what site you're visiting. "Hey, what ya lookin' at?" "Oh nothing, just Fecal Face.com" "...Fecal Face?" "Yeah, it's this great site where-" "Never mind! I don't want to know!" *friend backs out of the room while silently judging you.*

Uh, but yeah, the installation. The big colorful shapes are actually paper, and they're amazing. I love the way they just sprout off the wall and basically eat the ceiling. Wouldn't it be cool to talk a walk through this room? Oh, and yeah, there is something crocheted in (btw, is crocheted correct?) this room. Those giant man shaped... er... shapes, are crocheted from Granny squares! A staple of the crochet world. You can see Sarah, above, assembling one.

kalidarling

Jo Hamilton creates these crocheted portraits, and really, I think they're awesome. I just want to touch them. They have such an outrageous 3D quality to them. Her gallery is full of them, and I suggest you check them out... speaking as an artist, drawing or painting a recognizable portrait is hard enough... I can't imagine how difficult doing it in yarn or floss must be!

prettyusefulstuff

Joana Vasconcelos created this. It's a crab... a giant, crocheted upon, bedazzled crab, AND IT IS AWESOME. Seriously, click the link for this artist. Her work is worth the time it takes to navigate the somewhat clunky website. Her pieces are whimsical and oddly beautiful. Check it out... crochet crab commands you!

He looks like he's been dipped in chocolate and decorated... not that that would be a bad thing.

whatnottocrochet

So THAT'S what's inside Sarah Applebaum's statues! Actual guys! It's like a tea cozy for your boyfriend/ husband. Of course, he'd stay even warmer if he had on some shoes, but maybe she's working on the rest of his ensemble.

seesbeauty

I. want. the. crochet. lion. Artist Shauna Richardson crafted up these incredible animals, and I'm absolutely in awe. I'm assuming they were done over traditional taxidermy forms, because the musculature is amazing! If people can be all gungho for paper-mache deer heads, (which are totally cool) then I can be all about a hand hooked lion.

I could keep going. There is a ton of stuff that falls into the "weird handicraft" category, especially textiles, but I think this is a good place to stop. I will say, when I say weird, I don't mean horrible or stupid or ugly. I simply mean unusual, different, abnormal, and not in a bad way. I like weird. Weird is interesting, and even if it is stupid, horrible, or ugly, it makes you think.

Oh, and everyone dropping by from Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland, and anyone else from that part of the world, thanks for taking the time to read! You guys are awesome, and I hope I'll get to see your lovely countries some day! :)

^ Shark Week! ^

2011-08-05T09:25:00.000-07:00

Shark Week... one of the few times a year I really miss having cable TV. I'm especially missing it this time because Andy Samberg is hosting the whole week long event! However, I'm not going to let the fact that I can't afford basic cable discourage me from my love of deep water predators... and knitting. What? Oh, yeah, that's right. You didn't think there were sharks out there in sweaterland? Well there are... lots of them. No one is safe.

"Beaches Closed - No Swimming. By the Order of the Amity PD!"

*Cue Jaws music*

Topshop

" ...This shark, swallow you whole..."

asos

"Back home we got a taxidermy man. He gonna have a heart attack when he see what I brung him."

Paul&Shark

"I got the creme de la creme. Right here. Hold on. Yeah, you see that?"

"You're wearing a sweater!"

Fresh Till Death

"...But sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a shark... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'."

More Design Please

"My husband tells me you're in sharks."

Ebay

"I don't think that's funny. I don't think that's funny at all, I'm sorry."

Everybody Loves Cox

"This was no boat accident."

Brian.Carnell .Com

"That's some bad hat, Harry."

hipknittized

"Ya know, I'm gonna stuff your friggin' head in there, man, and find out if it's a man-eater, all right?"

Etsy

"He didn't eat a car, did he?"

"Naw, a tiger shark's like a garbage can, it'll eat anything. Someone probably threw that in a river."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yes, Discovery Channel, I miss you and your entertaining and sometimes terror inducing programming. I don't know if this post is funny or just lazy, but it's Shark Week, and the most famous shark of them all, JAWS! So, for now, I leave you, all you fair Spanish ladies, and everyone else...

"Farewell and adieu to you, fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu, you ladies of Spain. For we've received orders for to sail back to Boston. And so nevermore shall we see you again."

Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, A, B, Select, Start!

2011-06-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

In honor of Duke Nukem finally being released after roughly a BAJILLION YEARS of lingering doubt in the gaming world that it would ever happen, I give you: VIDEO GAME SWEATERS! 1 UP!

inewidea

Konami Code approved!

scribemedia

World 1-1! This is pretty much the mother (father?) of all nerdcraft. It's a sweater vest, AND "it's a me! Mario!" It's also totally sweet. The pixels translate so well to knitwear, plus, this is just really, really well done. The detail is incredible! I love that you can take something so visually iconic and translate it into something functional. Also, seriously, why aren't more things covered in awesome motifs? Like, why don't I have a wall in my house dedicated to the Triforce Emblem? Why doesn't my car look more like Unit 04 from Neon Genesis Evangelion? Why don't I have a giant squid mural in my bathroom? WHY?

technabob
The Japanese gave us the gift of Nintendo, and now, sweaters, based on Nintendo... for more than the cost of a Nintendo. $425 bucks if you want the brothers Mario leaping across your pectoral region. I'm not saying it's not awesome, but... that's a lot of coins to collect!

thinkcontra
That dog has taunted me for years! You remember when you'd shoot at the duck and you KNOW you hit it, but the stupid think kept flying, and then the dog would laugh at you? I remember it. I remember it pal. I was not above holding my light zapper directly to the screen and shooting those quacking jerkfaces out of the sky. "I'll show you who wins!" (7 year old rage. so cute.)

partytimehexcellent

The Legend of Zelda is the best video game series in the history of gaming. There. I've said it. You can disagree, but you're wrong. It's ok, we're all wrong sometimes. Don't let it ruin your day. Mario's great, Samus kicks it, and who doesn't love a little Master Chief? Still, nothing makes me want to grab a controller and happily waste hours of my life like that green clad Hylian. Which is why I lurve this.. it's Link. On a sweater. A girly sweater. I would give you so many Rupees for this! Gah!

Awwww!

happyseamstress
slash! defend! slash! defend!

Oh. My. Goron. Dudes...DUDES. This is beyond adorably awesome. Beyond it, I say! Holy Hyrule! It's like looking into the future and seeing my own adorable nerdling child! Happy Seamstress even provides the FREE pattern to make this, so thank her with a comment if you snag it! Oh, and bebeh Link's parents, ur doin it right.

craftster

These were made by a girl named Rousseline, for a craft swap. Wouldn't these go perfectly with the sweater up above (paired with a long sleeve undershirt!) and that precious nerd baby? You might say "no, that's just too much, too much Link!" I say "Psh! What are you, some kind of Ganon lover? There's no such thing as too much Link! Just ask Zelda..." Rousseline, fyi, you are awesome. Let me know if you ever have an over abundance of Zelda related items... I'll happily take them off your hands!

boingboing

No school like the old school. Classic vids in sweater form. When I was a kid, I used to spend hours playing Pac-Man on the skating rink arcade machine or at home on my own little hand-held, Pac-Man shaped version that used to belong to my sister in the 1970s. Legit. I loved it. These are great, but then again, what's not to like? I especially like the last one. When you wear it, you can say "it's on like Donkey Kong," literally!

Anyway, there are probably a tons more of these awesome video game knits out there, and I really, REALLY hope I run across one of them some day. Thrift store, help a sister out!