Monday, June 29, 2015

These Will Keep You In Stitches...Plus, I rap!

 

 

 
Brainjet 

 The Stitch Life
 "Stacks on stacks. 
Yeah.
Stacks on stacks.
Uh huh.
Yeah.
Stacks on stacks, 
Yeah, I got that."

*drops the beat*

 "Stacks on stacks I said
Stacks on stacks on stack of thread
My needles they flyin'
My phrases, they buyin'
They be ballin' like Kim K
and written like Kanye
I be livin' that hoop life 
Stitch like I'm a good wife
I got dem skills like ya grandma
but I'm bankin' like Trump, ya
Got them framed like a heirloom
all up in the bathroom.
I'm a needlepoint boss y'all
Hang my rhymes on ya hall wall 
Keep ya 'Yonce and Yeezus your Whiz and ya Wheezy
I can spit my own rhymes, but stitchin' aint easy"
 You do you, Tina. You do you.

Etsy 
 No treble. 

PATTERN Nope Subversive Funny Cross Stitch Instant Download .PDF 
 Etsy
Look at all the nopes I have to give!
"Hey, can you..."
Nope.
"Hey, you wanna..."
Nope. Nope.
"I think we should..."
Nope. Nope. Nopity. Nope.

And finally, Bill Murray. Because, Bill Murray.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

I BRING YOU...SHEER MAGIC!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys & girls, children of all ages! Come and see the greatest show on earth! Tonight, in the center ring, I bring you a sight sure to amaze you, dazzle your senses, and leave you speechless in wonderment! Sadly, I cannot claim to be the discoverer of such a magnificent spectacle, but I would be remiss, nay criminal even, if I did not share with you these things. So, fair audience, prepare to be amazed, prepare to click the link, prepare for MAGIC!

crochet-shorts-schuyler-ellers-lord-von-schmitt-2
has brought to us a glorious pageant of color and texture! Behold the link above and click! You will be transported to a land of fantasy beyond your wildest imaginings, for this is only a taste of the marvels you will find!
 crochet-shorts-schuyler-ellers-lord-von-schmitt-5
What's more, dear people, you can own them for yourselves! Who can hold the stars in their hands? Who can catch lightning in jar? Who, I ask you, can lasso the wind like a wild steed? YOU! My friends, when you gird your loins with such majesty!

Size 32 Felted Wool Chevron Rainbow Disco Pants

 Fluorescent Chevron Crochet Longboard Shorts
"Schuyler Ellers, who runs the Lord von Schmitt Etsy shop, creates dazzlingly colorful patterned crochet shorts out of recycled materials that are sure to please both the wearer and their stunned beholders (man or woman)." Davos of Bored Panda

Don't believe me for my words those of you who gather here! Believe your own eyes, even if what you behold is UNBELIEVABLE! 

Friday, June 19, 2015

Been Missin' You...

I miss you. I know I don't write often, and I never call or text, but baby, I think about you ALL. THE. TIME. You'll always be my boo. You're the blog that broke my heart and then wrapped it in a hideous sweater of love. I'll never let you go, no matter how long we go without seeing each other.

I brought you some gifts, you know, 'cause I didn't want to show up empty handed...

Knitted leotard: 

It's summer and I just want to cozy up to you in the pool, but also be separated from you by literally POUNDS AND POUNDS of wool. It's just like our relationship, so close, and yet... so far away.

Get naked.

I mean, I just want to hang out with you again, like we did in the old days. Remember, I'd write funny things, and you'd ask me for a picture of a lady knitting herself into a giant sleeve? Those were the good times, just a woman alone with her blog. Add a salad, it would be the perfect night.

Mbxbugc

Or maybe we could go out, hit up the coffee shop and chat. I've got the perfect outfit. I can get one for you too, so people know we're together.

Men's crochet outfit | Mollie Makes
Like these best friends. 

Compubody sock, computer hood, Becky Stern, instructables, knitting
Let's never be apart again.